Humour, Rants

Jo Whiley Must Die

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Let me quantify that statement. Jo Whiley must die slowly, and in huge amounts of pain. Why you may ask, why not you should be asking. This thick as fuck chav bitch pollutes the airways every sodding day with her moronic droning voice, spouting endless shit about what TV she watched the night before, what she’s added to MySpace and her new favourite; Face Book.

Why does she exist? Do I care what she thinks about the ending to Lost? Do I care about her take on Doctor Who? No, I sodding well don’t. What’s worse, the gormless cow can’t keep her chav trap shut when she knows the ending of something, she even complained that the BBC had forced her to keep schtum about the end of Doctor Who when she’d seen it in advance.

Sure Whiley, tell everyone, go on… we won’t mind. We want you to tell us the ending before anyone’s seen it.

Dumb bitch.

Podcasts, Royal & SunAlliance, Stolen Car

RSA Fraud investigator phones me

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Well well well. Seems my blog has reached RSA, about sodding time to be honest. If they saw the stats for this blog they’d have phoned earlier, cos I’m actually getting traffic by people searching Google for things like ‘Direct Line’ and ‘Royal Sun Alliance’.

Hey, my job is SEO after all!

Seems now that Brian McNamara wants to see the car, and says they’ll fix the thing. You can hear this podcast below. Apologies for the sound interference, I was in the car at the time.

Notice how I asked him several times to confirm he’d fix the car? Not sure if they know I record all my conversations, but when he reads this he’ll know for certain… I do.

Of course Sarah Bryant’s earlier claim that RSA would do nothing can be heard now as well below. We don’t like her, she’s not very helpful.

Naturally I don’t actually believe what Brian says, as I’ve been conned by Insurance companies before. I’ll treat him very cautiously, they’re all out to serve themselves at the end of the day, but we’ll see where this all leads.

Bryan McNamara phones MrDaz [ 12:46 ] Play Now | Play in Popup | Download (1036)
Sarah Bryant phones MrDaz [ 5:29 ] Play Now | Play in Popup | Download (1047)
Humour, Internet

Viral email crashes company’s email

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Viral emails are a great method of marketing, but before you try them out for yourself be sure to carefully consider what you’re doing. Persimmon Homes didn’t, and an email sent out by them last week caused their entire network to go down for over a week.

If you received this email below, it was a hoax, ignore it. Do not forward it or reply to it. The person who originated this must feel pretty damn stupid right now.

From: **********
Sent: 04 June 2007 11:32
To: ************
Subject: FW: Marks & Spencer vouchers

Marks & Spencers, in conjunction with Persimmon Homes, are giving away free vouchers.

Marks & Spencers are trying word-of-mouth advertising to introduce its products and the reward you receive for advertising for them is free non-refundable vouchers to be used in any M&S store.

To receive your free vouchers by e-mail all you have to do is to send this email out to 8 people (for 100GBP of free vouchers) or 20 people (for 500GBP of free vouchers).

Within 2 weeks you will receive an e-mail with your vouchers attached.
They will contact you through your e-mail address.

Please mark a copy to: ******@persimmonhomes.com

Podcasts, Royal & SunAlliance, Stolen Car

Podcast: RSA wash hands of car

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This one’s a beauty. I telephoned Neil Godfrey from Royal & Sun Alliance once again this week and I couldn’t believe what he said.

11 months after my car was stolen, and after I’d tried to get RSA to fix the damn thing by calling them direct in November, January, May and June they tell me I need to go back to the garage that the car was stolen from.

Back to square one.

Listen to this sucker and marvel at the ‘can’t be arsed attitude from Royal & Sun Alliance.

Mr Daz phones RSA Again [ 7:55 ] Play Now | Play in Popup | Download (360)
Podcasts, Stolen Car

2nd Podcast online now

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My podcasting is gathering pace as I post up yet another attempt to get Royal & Sun Alliance to fix my sodding car, that was stolen 11 months ago in July 2006.

You can hear this latest waste of my time as I phoned them this last Monday 18th June.

Further attempts to call them the next day will go online shortly, and these ones are so worth the wait. Trust me, you won’t believe how bad things get.

Mr Daz calls Royal & Sun Alliance again [ 5:55 ] Play Now | Play in Popup | Download (375)
Humour

Tourettes Spokesman Admits Disease is a Hoax

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Doctor Eugene Van Bommel, founder of the Tourettes with a Trouble (TWAT) society admitted today what many had believed for years: Tourettes isn’t a real disease at all; it is in fact one long prank started on the Internet.

Tourettes has a reported 27,000 ‘sufferers’ worldwide, all of whom it has been revealed are in on this elaborate hoax. Doctor Van Bommel commented:

“When we started this joke we didn’t think anyone would take it seriously, I mean, it’s absurd to think that some people have to shout foul and abusive language at inopportune moments and cannot control themselves. Yet when we started shouting ‘cock sucking whore’ in mass at our local church, we received compassion rather than mistrust. It just snowballed from there. It seemed no matter how disgusting our outbursts people still believed we’re suffering some affliction”

‘Cock sucking Whore’ is just one such phrase that tourettes sufferers have been shouting in public over the years, ‘twat’, ‘shit’ and ‘fuck’ are also favourite words of these jokesters.

It is believed that the hoax has taken in millions of people worldwide, with many charities even being set up to help these pranksters. All of the monies collected by these charities have apparently been held in a fund to be repaid in full to the generous but gullible donors. If you’ve given money to a tourettes charity over the years, you’ll be getting a phone call soon with details on how you can reclaim your money; assuming of course you’re not too embarrassed by your gullible nature!

With this news coming to light today we speculate on what other diseases might actually be elaborate hoaxes perpetrated on the Internet. OCD, Blindness and Aids are the bookies favourites to be exposed as hoaxes within the next month.

If you were one of the tourettes hoaxers we’d love to hear from you on what crazy, outrageous things you got away with over the years. Contact us and tell us today!

So much anger, so little time