Category Archives: Rants

Podcasts, Rants

Inland Revenue demand £4.17 I don’t owe

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I was stunned (though considering past experiences maybe I shouldn’t have been) to receive a bill from the Inland Revenue last week for the princely sum of £4.17 for interest on late payment. Obviously, I don’t actually owe this because as we’ve established already the Inland Revenue made the mistake of sending my completed Self Assessment Tax Form to someone else, at a completely different address.

Something that seems to be a theme with me.

So… I phoned the Inland Revenue today to sort the problem out and, well, as you can probably guess it didn’t go according to plan. It seems that after over a year trying to sort this out I will need to submit, in writing, an appeal over the £4.17 that they have incorrectly demanded from me.

This is priceless.

Inland Revenue demand £4.17 [ 5:07 ] Play Now | Play in Popup | Download (1315)
Guest Posts, Rants

FedEx Complaint

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My girlfriend ordered me something from the States back in December, and she was told it had to be delivered by FedEx.

Fine, she thought, never had anything from them before, but they’ve got a fantastic reputation, right…RIGHT?

Anyway, she received an email confirming that a delivery would be made on a particular date. She then arranged a day’s holiday so she could sit at home, all day, and wait for the parcel.

Which didn’t turn up. Instead, she got an email from FedEx saying that they had been at her place, at 9:30 in the morning and could get no answer.

Now, this was a LIE. She was up, and waiting for them. There was no ratatat-tat. There was no ding-dong. Was there a “we missed you” card? No there fucking wasn’t. In other words, they were never there.

I phoned up and had a go at them and they apologised (but said they owe us nothing for the day’s fucking earnings my GF spent sat around her place – tossers), and I told them specifically not to post it out again. We would collect it or have to arrange another convenient date later when we had one. She couldn’t just take another day off work like that.

Guess what the retards did next? Sent it out the very next day. A day on which I had motherfucking explained to them that my GF would be at work.

Then she had another email. “Please confirm your postcode – your address does not exist” was the gist of it.

Excuse me?

Do you know how it feels to be told the property you are in at that very moment is not real? Is my girlfriend living in a house that exists only in her mind? You fucking bell-ends.

This estate she lives on has been there 3 years. The Royal Mail can find it. It’s on a TomTom. The pizza boy can find it.

All you do is find people, FedEx , THAT IS ALL YOU DO. That is WHAT YOU ARE FOR. It’s called a PURPOSE. Do you see?

Besides…hadn’t you been in my girlfriend’s “Fantasy Kingdom” the day before? If you’re going to lie (and clearly, you are), get your fucking story straight. You can’t even do that with competence.

I again phoned them up, and spoke to a second senior “Customer Services Manager” (sorry hard to type that with a straight face) who told me they would sort the delivery out, refund the postage cost to the supplier AND send my girlfriend a “mystery gift”. Wow! Someone has finally sorted this out, I thought.

I also insisted they explain the previous cock ups. WHO lied about having been there? Would that person be punished? How did a situation come about that they were tripping over their own lies to cover up their own imbecilic lack of ability to do their jobs? I wanted answers. I was promised they would investigate.

A week later (after successfully – finally – receiving the item they had for us) I rang them again. Did they have answers for me? Why was there no gift yet? Why was the company she ordered from saying that there had been no refund? I was thinking, did that scheming bitch lie to me just to get me off the phone?

I was told that no the refund had not yet been processed but that it was definitely going to happen in the next few days, likewise with the gift. I was also told they would not be able to explain why these mistakes happened. Apparently, there is “no way to tell who was making those deliveries so no way to find out how they went wrong”. Excuse me? Umm, FedEx – aren’t you a rather large company? Aaaand you don’t keep records? You don’t know who vanishes with a truck of thousands of pounds worth of other people’s property? Can I walk in to one of your depots and drive one of these vans away please? Since you don’t record or organise who does this it should be pretty fucking easy, yeah? Get myself a little uniform and I reckon I could pull it off. Twats.

To really take the biscuit (and repeatedly rape us with it), they sent us a further, surprise bill, (we’d already paid postage) and threatened to take my girlfriend to court if she didn’t pay it immediately!

To this day, I have no explanation, no refund, and absolutely no mystery gift for my girlfriend.

Federal Express are a miserable, doltish bunch of thieving, lying, scumbag cowboy cretins, and never will I or my girlfriend buy anything from a website that insists that we take delivery from this bunch of pathetic shit-eating lowlifes. I wish I had remembered the names of the scum-sucking bitches who lied to me on the phone as I would name and shame every one of them here. Unlike Daz here I can’t record my phone calls.

Believe me, I’m an eloquent, intelligent and professional man with a very large vocabulary, but FedEx has pissed me off (and my girlfriend – which is worse, why did she deserve all this shit?) so much I don’t know what else to say. FedEx is staffed, exclusively, with lying, cheating cunts. Some achievement, pat yourselves on the back, wankers.

Ordered something since that was delivered by DHL, who got it to me on time, in the right place.

Germany: 1 – USA: 0

Rants

ITV very nearly pissed me off

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Let me set the scene. It’s Sunday, Easter Sunday to be precise. As you can imagine when you have 4 days off, you can easily lose track of what day it is, so you rely on institutions like ITV to at least get the days right.

Oh no, not bloody likely.

ITV4 put on a trailer for the Grand Prix, advertised as LIVE tomorrow morning at 6:00am. Hmm, I might get up for that I thought. Yeah, have an early night and wake up early for the Grand Prix. Good idea.

Then, as it turned out luckily for me, and for ITV, I checked my phone for the kick off times of the two football matches later that Easter Sunday, only to see the result of the Grand Prix on the front page of BBC Mobile.

Eh? What now? That’s just been advertised as being live tomorrow morning. Upon checking the TV guide I can see that no, it’s not on tomorrow morning at all. It was in fact on live that Easter morning. Some 8 hours ago.

So what’s going on?

Simple really. Those imbeciles at ITV left a sodding VT running from the previous day, advertising a Grand Prix that not only wasn’t on, it had been shown 24 hours earlier than they’d advertised it for.

If I hadn’t checked BBC Mobile I’d have gotten up at 6:00am on Easter Monday only to swear uncontrollably at the TV screen.

It’s a good sodding job that the BBC are getting Formula 1 back on their screens, ITV don’t even know what fucking day it’s on.

Rants

Check our website for traffic updates

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According to the BBC website there was a massive pile up on the M6 today. This is kind of lucky for me as I came home from Wales yesterday and would have been caught in the traffic today.

There are no reports of fatalities but a number of people have been seriously injured in the crash between junction 16 and 17 at Sandbach in Cheshire.

The Air Ambulance attended and casualties were given first aid at the scene, a motorist told the BBC.

Both carriageways were closed at first but the northbound carriageway has since re-opened.

The thing is though, as much information as the website affords me, it’s no use to me when I’m actually driving; which is why I use the radio for traffic updates.

Now yesterday, being a bank holiday, there was a lot of traffic on the motorways of the UK, which Radio 1 kept reporting on. That’s nice. However, rather than giving me details, like oh I don’t know, which motorways and which junctions, Radio 1 merely said for details check our website.

Excuse me? I’m in my bloody car, that’s why I have the radio on. How can I check your sodding website while I’m flying down the M6 at *ahem* miles per hour?

Stupid woman.

Guest Posts, Rants

JD Sports

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Now I don’t usually buy from outlets that are frequented by the proletariat, but I made an exception when I saw a nice pair of trainers on the JD Sports website. So I ordered them online in good faith, submitting my payment details. They even allow for a separate delivery address from the billing address, great! (I thought). I promptly recieved an email saying they had been dispatched.

Once they arrived I found to my dismay that they had sent the WRONG trainers in the WRONG size. I immediately rang their customer help line and was told that they would collect my trainers and deliver the correct pair the next day.

I was fairly impressed with their handling of this cock up so far…

So the next day came and guess what, no trainers arrived. So I rang up again to be told that they “hadn’t found my order and that they couldn’t contact the person they had incorrectly sent them to”. They also refused to send out another pair, meaning that I am getting a pair that some cretin has had their filthy hands on.

They advised me that the trainers should be with me by Saturday (morning) but couldn’t guarantee it. I am not holding my breath!

This video shows JD Sports don’t have the best rep online at all…

You need to a flashplayer enabled browser to view this YouTube video

Guest Posts, Rants

Zucci Clothing Can Fuck Off

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Are you tired of going out to the shops to buy your designer clothes?

Well never fear, the internet age is upon us and there are plenty of online shops available out there that allow me to buy what I want within a matter of minutes.

However what happens when your order is out of stock? You usually get a notification to your email informing you the product is out of stock and the money is refunded to your account.

So imagine my shock when for the first time ever I use Zucci to purchase a nice top for the weekend only to be told two hours later by email it is out of stock and that to get my money back I’d have to phone up.

You can see where this is going can’t you?

I phone the number advertised on their email and could you fucking believe it no one is there to take my chuffing call? I tried calling them 5 times within the space of an hour and nothing. I ring again just before 5.30pm to be told the office is now closed and I’d have to call back at 9.30am when they reopen.

What the fuck?? Sounds like no cunt turned up for work yesterday at all. I wouldn’t mind normally but can you imagine my horror when I call back this morning and get the same message.

This is a fairly big company and to have no customer service agents to take my call is pretty wank and shows that they don’t care. The ironic thing is that I was going to see if I could get a different top.

Well not anymore you bunch of tossers. Never before have I experienced such a piss poor service.

If you cunts are reading this, then check your email as I tried to email you about this but of course if you don’t answer telephones, I highly doubt you will answer my emails.

Here’s hoping you wake up and employ some more retards to answer your phones. Twats

Humour, Rants

Cancer against Christians

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I noticed a collection box on the bar at the pub the other night with the slogan ‘Christians against Cancer’ emblazoned on it. While I support the fight against Cancer as much as the next guy (my mum’s had it twice and two friends recently past away from it) I do feel that Christians represent a bigger threat to our World than Cancer.

After all, if caught early enough Cancer can be treated. There’s no cure for Christians unless you use lions as Emperor Nero did, and lions are hard to come by.

Therefore I’m looking to support Cancer against Christians, a new charity that is trying to eradicate Christians across the globe with the use of Cancer. People such as The Backstreet Boys, Gary Busey, Charlton Heston and MC Hammer should be wiped out as quickly and effectively as possible; people who gossip and snipe at you, yet look down on you because they go to church and you don’t. You know the sort of people, arseholes.

Join Cancer against Christians now and help Cancer put an end to Christians today.

Rants

Ban buses, make the poor walk

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I’ve had enough of getting stuck behind buses as they pull out without warning, no indication, only to crawl along blocking me off. They have their own frickin’ bus lanes that they nip in and out of seemingly at will with the sole intention of getting in my way, then take up the whole road with their filthy, smoke bellowing engines, and then they drive straight at you when they’re coming the other way.

Environmental CampaignerYet the government and bearded, sandal wearing environmental campaigners (or tossers to the rest of us), like this idiot pictured, say we should all use buses instead of our cars.

Bollocks. I used to use a bus when I was a student. They’re unreliable, slow, smelly, noisy and full of chavs. The drivers seem to delight in seeing you waiting and driving on past you with a sly smile, knowing full well you wanted them to stop. They are not a viable means of transport.

Use more buses? Not bloody likely. I say ban buses, rip up the bus lanes and let the poor walk. Why does someone who is poor and rides on a bus have the right to get somewhere before me?

They’re only going to pick up their giro, they can walk to do that. They don’t need to hold me up on my way to the casino.