Category Archives: Rants

Chav Scum

I found out recently that my ex-wife has given a set of keys to one of her mates to enter MY house when I’m at work in order to roam the property and take what she fancies.

Now, I have a few issues with this as you might imagine.

Firstly, I don’t really want some chav scum in my home stealing whatever she thinks she can sell or use. Who would? Secondly, the police (as I predicted before I called them) couldn’t be arsed getting off their ever increasing arses, putting down their doughnuts and coming out as they deemed it ‘nothing to do with them’.

Wonderful eh, what do I pay taxes for again?

Of course, one potential problem springs to mind about all of this. What if I’m in the house next time? If I happen to find some chav scum pilfering my goods, rummaging through my shit, I’m not going to stand by and watch. I’m not going to offer to help them carry my TV down the stairs. I’m going to treat them as a burgler and remove them from my property.

I can picture the phone call to the police now.

“My ex-wife has given her keys to her friend to steal from my house”.

“Sorry, nowt to do with us mate”

“That’s OK, I was only letting you know because I’ve caught the bitch and beaten the shite out of her”.

If you want justice, don’t bother with the police.

BSM instructor breaks the law

While driving home tonight (which is often a subject for a good rant) I was behind a BSM instructor in rush hour, using his mobile phone while driving.

What chance the youth of today when the instructors for supposedly the best driving instructor firm in the UK drive illegally? I’d call BSM and tell them, if I thought for a second they’d give a rat’s ass. They wouldn’t of course, so I’ll just spread the word here.

It was a Vauxhaul Corsa, registration KN56 GFZ.

BT’s lack of customer service

I’ve just wasted 45 minutes of my life on those morons at BT. Why do I bother, seriously?

I ordered BT Broadband with the Wireless home hub back on January 8th, but it took several phone calls to do as they couldn’t find my current account settings.

I just checked my order status on line and it says I received my pack on January 16th. News to me, there ain’t shit here. So I phoned the number in my confirmation email, which is: 08000852819.

That number just played an automated message telling me to phone another number, nice.

The other number I phoned played an automated message telling me the line was closed. By now I was getting pissed off.

I then phoned the number on their website: 0800 800 150 and after going through countless menu options I held on to the ringing phone for some 15 minutes with no answer.

I hung up, and tried again. The menu options this time were really pissing me off, and despite the recorded message saying they were very busy and I should request a callback, I pressed the button to wait in the queue and went straight through.

The woman was sullen, and promptly hung up on me while she was attempting to find my details.

Now I was fucking enraged, and my fifth and final call beckoned. Oh joy, those fucking menu options again.

This time I got through again straight away, despite the skive inducing ‘ring back’ option suggesting otherwise. The woman this time told me my order had been cancelled on the system. Then why does the website tell me I’d received it?

She was confused, especially when I read out the confirmation email with the price. She said their switchboard was playing up as she tried to contact an engineer about my order, as she was cut off from him.

Further hold music went by, before the inevitable happened, and I was fucking cut off again.

Fuck it, I’m cancelling the Direct Debit and using Sky. BT are useless, their customer service is a joke and the technology is shite.

Don Murphy is a TWAT

Way back in June 2006 the movie producer Don Murphy announced on his forum that I was a c*nt and that he’d close down my website www.transformersthemovie.com. Some 7 months later, and quite naturally, he has done nothing.

You see, as I tried to explain to the short, fat walrus at the time – TransformersTheMovie.com has been approved by Paramount, and indeed supported by them to help promote the Michael Bay movie Transformers, due out on July 4th. He didn’t understand this, and said my site would be shut down. His legion of ‘stooges’, or morons who like to hang on his every word, rallied to his flag as always, baying for my blood with cries of ‘bye bye monkey’ and the like.

But again, TransformersTheMovie.com is still there.

The funny thing was, no matter how many times I explained it to them, they ignored the facts and proceeded to launch a vitriol against me calling me a theif, a c*nt and such forth – insisting that Don was the messiah and I was the antichrist. My site would be shut down.

Well, to all you ‘stooges’ and to Don himself, come on you wankers – let’s have it!

A prick up my ass?

Some prick only went and rammed into the back of my car last night.

There I was, driving along through the country lanes, following some tosshole towing a car at an average speed of 15mph, who refused to pull over and let the stream of several hundred cars past him (total of cars has been exagerated for dramatic effect) when some knob jockey slams into my ass.

Quite a jolt too, but somehow my car doesn’t even have a scratch on it. His Fiat had a severly squashed headlight, but mine looks just like new – bar the several layers of caked on dirt of course.

He was nice enough in fairness, lucky it wasn’t an X5 or a Landcrusier I guess. Then I’d have had some marks on my car.

No cover, no deal

I recently tried to buy a personal PC / mobile phone so I could work on the go, and emailed Dell on their website to find out about WIFI access on one of their products.

No response from them, naturally.

I emailed again, still no response – so I bought one in PC World.

Now, I foolishly tried to order a laptop from them as well, so phoned them this time. They said I couldn’t get it before Christmas, so I said I wasn’t interested – at which point they changed their mind and said they could fast track it. The salesman (who had a limited grasp of the dialect) tried to sell me some extra cover, to which I refused.

He didn’t like this, he then put me on hold and promptly hung up – the twat.

Seems if you don’t buy cover from Dell, they don’t get much commission, so aren’t interested in speaking to you. Last time I’ll be using those arseholes.

Tesco can’t be arsed again

I don’t believe it, for the second time in as many weeks I get some oik in Tesco telling me to use the self service till.

Now, if I wanted to operate tills when I enter a shop I’d have slacked off in school to such a degree that working in a tesco express was the highest achievement I could hope for. However, I don’t and I didn’t.

When I go into a shop, that has staff, is it too much to ask that the lazy fuckwits actually do the job they’re paid minimum wage for? I am not using the chavmaster 2000 self shoplift till, I expect someone to actually serve me.

If Tesco think they’re going to phase out tills in their shops, they can do so without my cash injection. Tossholes.

Don’t panic, everything’s ok says 1and1

For the last few days I, like many thousands of people have been experiencing problems with my email through my hosting company 1and1 Internet.

Luckily, 1and1 says the problems are all sorted, the following is taken from Internet nerd news site The Register:

Yesterday, a number of UK customers experienced some delay in receiving inbound email. The delay was due to a surge in email volumes over our email servers. Our email system continued to receive all email during this time, with only its delivery to inboxes being delayed.

The email delay was handled according to set procedure, emails were queued and stored and no email was lost during this time.

The technical issue was resolved and all emails involved are being delivered safely. Only 1&1 email users were affected.

We sincerely apologise for any inconvenience caused to our customers due to the queuing of emails.

Today, 1&1’s UK Customer Control Panel was temporarily unavailable for a very short time whilst systems were maintained.

Well that’s nice to know isn’t it? Now, when I fail miserably to get my email I can take comfort in the fact 1and1 says everything’s hunky fucking dory.

Of course, it’s not. It still doesn’t sodding work, so their sticking their heads in the sand doesn’t make the problem go away. 1and1, get it sorted you muppets.