All posts by MrDaz

Darren Jamieson, aka MrDaz, is the Technical Director and co-founder of Engage Web and has been working online in a career spanning two decades. His first website was built in 1998 and is still live today.
Rants

A prick up my ass?

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Some prick only went and rammed into the back of my car last night.

There I was, driving along through the country lanes, following some tosshole towing a car at an average speed of 15mph, who refused to pull over and let the stream of several hundred cars past him (total of cars has been exagerated for dramatic effect) when some knob jockey slams into my ass.

Quite a jolt too, but somehow my car doesn’t even have a scratch on it. His Fiat had a severly squashed headlight, but mine looks just like new – bar the several layers of caked on dirt of course.

He was nice enough in fairness, lucky it wasn’t an X5 or a Landcrusier I guess. Then I’d have had some marks on my car.

Humour, SEO

The Lazy SEO Manifesto

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This is the code of which I live my life by, courtesy of Tropical SEO.

I pledge to strive wholeheartedly to make the most amount of money while doing the least amount of work possible.

I pledge to develop passive revenue streams that maintain themselves using automated systems.

I pledge to outsource anything that possibly can be outsourced. My core competencies are thinking, planning and strategizing, and my time spent on those activities will yield the highest ROI.

I pledge to have a secretary/personal assistant and/or mistress to take care of pesky details.

I pledge to only give my phone number to very close associates. Everyone else will have to email me. I will compulsively check my email throughout the day, but it may take me up to a week to answer one, especially if the reply requires effort on my part.

I pledge to use Digg, Reddit, Delicious and the like as a shortcut to link building. The Digg community is a bunch of annoying little wankers but I will play the game until my sites all have TrustRank out the wazoo from dozens of successful link baits.

I pledge to get dressed only after the noon hour. Getting dressed implies putting on pajama pants or sweats instead of boxers only. It does not necessarily imply the presence of a shirt.

I pledge to extend myself outside of the SEO realm only into even lazier and more defensible areas. Namely, domaining.

I pledge to waste at least two hours a day on Threadwatch, WebmasterWorld and Bloglines. Not because I’m learning anything new, but because I’m bored.

I pledge to be a Lazy SEO.

Internet

What’s in a name?

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Lately I’ve been taking on more websites than I can cope with, and have built up quite an extensive list of domain names that I’ve been meaning to develop. I thought if I listed them here it would some how shame me into kicking them off.

So, in no particular order, here are the domains I’ve been meaning to build websites for…

www.TheWebKit.com
www.YouveJustHiredTheATeam.com
www.ToysAnus.com
www.USBNerd.com
www.MyExIsABastard.net
www.NextHotDate.com
www.JokeMuseum.com

I also have one adult site, but I’ll leave that off for now. I see I have a lot of work to do, damn.

Rants

No cover, no deal

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I recently tried to buy a personal PC / mobile phone so I could work on the go, and emailed Dell on their website to find out about WIFI access on one of their products.

No response from them, naturally.

I emailed again, still no response – so I bought one in PC World.

Now, I foolishly tried to order a laptop from them as well, so phoned them this time. They said I couldn’t get it before Christmas, so I said I wasn’t interested – at which point they changed their mind and said they could fast track it. The salesman (who had a limited grasp of the dialect) tried to sell me some extra cover, to which I refused.

He didn’t like this, he then put me on hold and promptly hung up – the twat.

Seems if you don’t buy cover from Dell, they don’t get much commission, so aren’t interested in speaking to you. Last time I’ll be using those arseholes.

Google, Internet

Google homepage improves RSS

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I just logged onto my Google hompage to check my feeds from the variety of crap websites I like to get my daily fix of junk from, and I noticed they’ve updated the way they get the feeds.

Notably, they’ve created a little + sign that allows you to view the description, which has a spanking effect on the feed from Yourcarisshit.com. I’ve been working on this feed for some time, wanting to get the car images fed through – and now it does! Check it out:

Your car is shit

The feed itself isn’t available from the website yet, as it’s undergoing a radical upgrade to make it 70% more offensive – but should be done by the weekend.

Shit cars direct to your homepage, how cool is that?

Rants

Tesco can’t be arsed again

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I don’t believe it, for the second time in as many weeks I get some oik in Tesco telling me to use the self service till.

Now, if I wanted to operate tills when I enter a shop I’d have slacked off in school to such a degree that working in a tesco express was the highest achievement I could hope for. However, I don’t and I didn’t.

When I go into a shop, that has staff, is it too much to ask that the lazy fuckwits actually do the job they’re paid minimum wage for? I am not using the chavmaster 2000 self shoplift till, I expect someone to actually serve me.

If Tesco think they’re going to phase out tills in their shops, they can do so without my cash injection. Tossholes.