I returned home last night when it was pissing down with rain (in Manchester, go figure) to find a card through my door from the Home Delivery Network. There was no order number on it and none of the fields were filled in, but there was some pen scrawled on the top displaying the words ‘Round Side’.
Not sure what this meant I figured maybe there was a parcel left round the side of the house, so I looked. There was nothing there. Then I thought what if they’ve chucked it over the 6 foot hight gate? I hope not, it’s a very high gate, a long way for a parcel to fall and it’s been pouring down all day.
I went out to look and sure enough there was a parcel from Amazon sat a pool of water next to our bin. Jesus Christ, what sort of arsehole does this?
I decided evidence was in order so I took photos of the parcel as I opened it, you can see from the pics that the water had seeped into the box. It would, it had been there all frickin’ day.
I also have a computer coming from Amazon. I hope to fuck they don’t use the Home Delivery Network for that one. I doubt it’ll stand a 6 foot drop into a pool of water. What a bunch of fucking morons. Come on Amazon, sort it out.
Darren Jamieson, aka MrDaz, is the Technical Director and co-founder of Engage Web and has been working online in a career spanning two decades. His first website was built in 1998 and is still live today.
hi mate agree hdnl don’t give a damm i work there they come to depot on trailers if its raining the water seeps through the trailer
Most of your comments on this page may well be true and I know from my time working for hdn that many of the drivers are poor. But I can assure you that all drivers in general begin the job with great intentions but very quickly just get abused and then forced to “up their game” as they are returning too many parcels to the depot each day which means you get a roasting from your de-brief team and them a roasting from the depot manager the next morning and on top of that you dont get paid for what is not delivered, which as has already been pointed out most of the parcels are sent out by the company ahead of schedule so nobody expects the delivery and blatently will not be home. The whole management and targets/routes set by the company are totally unreal, and shifting guys round different routes on a daily basis and expecting a guy with no local knowledge no maps, no prep time and no assistance is a bloody joke and I hated working for them, they just all seem to want to tear out your soul grind you into the ground and then blame the drivers for fucking up and it relentless because their is no real laws in this sector, its a tottally thankless task with constant abuse of staff and many times I have been out in areas miles from my home with no guidance or help at 10 even 10.30 at night which means your not getting home till about 11/11.30 but your still expected at the depot bright and early 5.30 next morning, with no thanks or have an easy day today they just throw a shitload more parcels at you moan that you didnt do well enough yesterday and it wont be tolerated and they are sick of the excuses of local knowledge, maps, guidance and the like, then just send you out again.
I feel for all the drivers at this company and you should all complain and moan to the company, but please consider the pressure and abuse these guys get, and it is certainly not by choice these guys take out too many parcels each day and that their routes are so big and they do not force themselves to leave parcels over gates and so on, it is just too greater demands from the management who have no idea how tough this job is and in how many ways it could be improved.
But like one of the other guys said they are the cheapest and in the current climate that is all anybody cares about.
Big up Redman Nottm! Mr Daz you need to get a life really if you have nothing better to than complain…thats life, shit happens! Accept it.
You’re right Phil, I have nothing better to do than complain. Who the hell am I to expect a parcel I’ve paid for to be delivered and not dumped in a puddle over a 6ft gate?
I’m just asking the Earth. I know now that if I want a parcel to be destroyed on delivery I should use Home Delivery Network. They’re no fucking use for anything else.
Twat.
hahaha . . pathetic buch of tossers … get a life.. next time a parcel’s trown over your fence… lets hope it dunts you in the head … haha
Ah, thanks for the comment “gogo logog”. I think we can all see why you’re a delivery driver with the worst delivery firm in the UK. Find school really hard did you? Get some pretty shit grades?
Never mind, you’ve found your level.
i can confirm with people in past messages i am a driver at the moment with hdn and its a crap place at the present time to work ,if you didnt know all ready this company started of as white arrow then it was reality and now the shit hdn it was a good place to work when it was white arrow and it has steadly gone down hill as new names came in please think more of your driver when he gets to you there are so many companys we deliver for and nun of them speak to each other argos are the werst they tell you we will be there at a set time so you wait in untill that time it passes and understanding you get piss off because we are not there BUT WE DO NOT DO TIMED DELIVERYS it just when we can get to you and are areas are BIG stupiedly big and we have crazy times to get it done by today i took out 208 nearly all single drops and yourve got to get it all done inside 11 hours so i put it to all of the people above complaning about the drivers IF YOU CAN DO IT BETTER GET DOWN THE LOCAL DEPOT AND TRY IT bet you dont last a day oh also i forgot to say all this work is with out a break .no time or you peolpe dont get ur parcels
Hi there ‘driver at present’ (or Richard Tongue). Stop complaining about being a delivery driver and just deliver the parcels. It’s not rocket science, it’s not taxing, it’s not even remotely difficult. You drive your van and post the parcels to the address written on the front of them. If you find it too hard, do something else.
For the record, I think a great many people on this site complaining about your piss poor company could ‘do your job’ without making such a hash of it, but I doubt very much delivery drivers like you could do our jobs, mine for example.
Just deliver the parcels, the address is written on them, you’re not exactly looking for a cure for cancer!
mr daz get your head out of your arse.what do you want the parcel wrapped in bubble wrap and sealed with a kiss,you ordered the parcel did you not,so you should have known it was coming no,so why not be in when they deliver they are called home delivery network after all,and your parcel got damaged well just tell amazon you want another one.sitting here laughing at you set up a blog because your parcel got wet,why not spend your time looking for a cure for cancer.and if you have never walked in another mans shoes how the hell can you know how easy their job is
No Ray, I don’t want my parcel sealed with a kiss, just delivered to my address and not thrown over a 6 foot gate, into a puddle in the pissing rain. It should be fairly obvious, but I guess with the low IQ of a Home Delivery Network driver it is just out of their (and your) comprehension.
You’re laughing at me setting up a website that ranks page 1 of Google for ‘Home Delivery Network’? I’m laughing at you trying (and failing) to deliver a parcel to an address that’s written in front of you. Which one of those is more difficult I wonder?
Don’t give up your day job, you’re clearly cut-out for it.
where did a say i work for them,so your web page is on page one whoppee doooo, what have you managed to change nothing at all,so yes im laughing.please stay in your day job,clearly suits you sir.can you answer the above point,why did you want it delivered to your home address when you had no intention of being there.
mr daz,i think you are skating on very thin ice with some of your posts by the way,lets hope hndl legal team are better than there drivers eh.see ya.
Of course you work for them Ray, you’re sullen, can’t spell and overly aggressive. All that’s missing is a severe degree of racism to your bow and you’re a classic HDNL driver.
You and your ilk may be able to wait in all day for parcels, having sod all else to do, but some of us work for a living. As such, when parcels are delivered (and not left with a neighbour, which is the intelligent thing to do) they’re returned to the Post Office to be collected on a Saturday. Had I known Amazon would use Home Delivery Network, I wouldn’t have ordered from them, nor will I order anything else from them until I’m satisfied they don’t use the incompetent idiots at HDNL.
As for their legal team, oooh, scared. Bring it on. I’d like to see them try to deliver me the papers for legal action, they’d get slung into the garden with the rest of their packages.
i dont work for them at all,you simply can not explain yourself can you,you ordered a parcel,and for the first time you admit you wont be there,left with a neighbour would be the intelligent thing to do,did they our you order the parcel.you really have to much time on your hands fool try finding a cure for cancer
infact dont people who suffer from cancer dont need such an arsehole.
Wow, you really love this cure for cancer thing. Can’t you come up with your own one-liners?
Of course you work for HDNL, I know it’s embarrassing being a delivery driver for the worst delivery firm in the UK, but face up to it like a man and admit it.
I believe I did explain it quite clearly, it’s not my fault if you’re too thick to understand. Probably explains why parcels get slung over gates I suppose.
I think ranking first page for ‘Home Delivery Network’ is important too, I had hundreds of visits in September from that exact search, from people obviously wanting to find out what HDNL are like – and they did, they saw exactly what they were like. They’re incompetent, staffed by sullen racist drivers. The comments on this post prove that. The other websites with complaints against HDNL prove that too, quite why you’re defending them is beyond me… oh yeah, you work for them, forgot.
I too have had dealings with them in the past and to be honest they are completely useless. I ordered a dress of Lipsy 2 weeks in advanced for a special occasion, after being carded twice and numerous phone calls to them, i had to take a day off work and travel 20 miles to their depot to collect it myself the day before I needed it and on top of that the dress didn’t fit, it was too big so I obviously I had no time left to send it back to get a smaller size. I don’t order from Lipsy anymore. I internet shop quite a a lot and never had any problems until I had to use them.
I ordered some clothes on Monday from ASOS and guess who delivering… HNDL! I have ordered from ASOS many many times and they have never used them, it has always been Royal Mail which have never faulted once. Be interesting to see what happens, at the moment their tracking site says it’s in the van to be delivered. I’ll keep you posted.
quick tip …wen ordering mail order .. make sure your home to receive it or have it delivered to a friend/ family member who will be home or even have it delivered to your work place ..what ou expect a driver to “post” your xbox or big tv ???????
‘dear o dear’, you sound talented. Learn to spell, and perhaps read, then maybe you won’t have to work as a failed delivery driver.
These guys are a bunch of knobs…..I’ve ordered two items from dabs recently and my heart sank when I saw it would be HDL delivering it.
There tracking says ‘delivered’ on both items with ‘no sig’. My home is here and I also work from here, there is ALWAYS someone here.
Found a telephone number for them though…08448 1118162. Phoned them and ‘it’s still on the van’…why does it say delivered then??..I ordered it 4 days ago, paid for next day delivery and it’s still on the van?
That number is probably a stupid rate on the call, but it’s worth it to talk to these idiots, and I might actually get the items delivered now they know I’ll call them…Oh and the girl on the other end of the phone is a proper charmer btw….must have gone to that ‘dell-boy school of charming’.
Good luck ya’ll.
Update….
15min after I called them up, the parcels turn up…funny that.
I just had the worst experience with HDL. They kept failing delivery my parcel in the past week and told me it was a misunderstanding on the part of the Nottingham depot. I took 2 and half days off waiting for the parcel and they simply told me they failed to do so FOR SOME REASON THEY DON’T REALLY KNOW. They promised to redeliver today and apparently something went wrong and they sent my parcel back to my dad. It was an international parcel and now my dad has to pay for the returning postage. All they told me on the phone was we do understand and we do apologise for the inconvenience cause. But there is nothing we can do about it. Communicate with your deport to begin with!!!
I have to say HDL is a big joke. Have no idea how my parcel got delivered by them anyway. My dad sent from the oversea postoffice!! Do not use them, they are the worst delivery company I have ever experienced.
I have had to stop using sites that i used frequently as they have changed delivery couriers to HDN. I think i have had about 5 packages delivered by them and not one has ever turned up the right day. The worst thing about it is the way they lie and say they were not able to deliver and have left a card. I always have things delivered to my work which has a 24 hr reception so how could they have not been able to deliver it???? To the drivers who have posted on here how could we all be making these stories up? the internet is covered in the examples of how HDN keep messing people around and show no customer service at all. They really are the worst delivery company and thats saying something with royal mail around!!
Hoepfully companies will notice their custom dropping and the number of complaints and change courier companies. Least then HDN might raise their game!!
Home Delivery Network
Lamby Industrial Park, Wentlogg Avenue, Cardiff, South Glamorgan CF3 2EX
Tel: 029 2077 9779
Classification: Delivery & Collection Services
i hope this may help some one has i had a hard job to find the phone number
These McRejects have so far ruined 2 things by throwing them over the 6ft side gate, one of which was a dirty great long piece of plinth so it was no mean feat. Total caveman mentality as had they put their brain into gear they’d have found the back gate Unlocked!!! When told not to do this again they have taken to leaving boxes for my hubby (an electrician who requires dry electrical parts strangely) on the front door step instead in the p’ing down rain. Genius! Stumbled on this site whilst trying to find a number to tell the retards the parcel they trashed is still in the back garden waiting to be collected, please don’t stick another card through the letterbox telling me I’m not home as I know, I’m sat at work, wasting my time, phoning you muppets for the 3rd time telling you the same damned thing. Grr!
Ive been waiting 23 dasy now for 2 parcels. called HDN customer care and they give me 2 track and trace numbers, one worked the other did not.
one parcel has been sent back to the online store i ordered from the other has been sitting at Southampton depot since 9th October!! that is the closest they have been to delivering to me, 180 odd miles away!!!!
im trying to get on the HDN site now and it won’t load, have they finally gone bust? let us pray
HDNL are inexpensive that is why Amazon use them.Remember that Amazon offer a FREE DELIVERY SERVICE.
Their Drivers have to deliver a large number of parcels each day so please remember to have your parcel delivered to an address where there is someone available to accept it.
Also if you want a parcel collected please remember to package your parcel before you request a collection.
Do not expect the person collecting to wait why you package up your parcel once they have arrived at your door because you have been too lazy to package it up before hand.
“These McRejects have so far ruined 2 things by throwing them over the 6ft side gate”
Why didn’t you leave your gate unlocked so that the Driver could look for a safe location to leave your parcel ?
“Hi there ‘driver at present’ (or Richard Tongue). Stop complaining about being a delivery driver and just deliver the parcels. It’s not rocket science, it’s not taxing, it’s not even remotely difficult. You drive your van and post the parcels to the address written on the front of them. If you find it too hard, do something else.”
You are right it isn’t Rocket Science but you are wrong about it not being taxing and not being remotely difficult pehaps you should offer your services to HDN as a Driver and get an Education.
From this Monday they are increasing the maxium weight of the parcels from 25 kilos to 32.5 kilos with no reduction in the volume expected to be delivered and no more money.
“Ah, thanks for the comment “gogo logog”. I think we can all see why you’re a delivery driver with the worst delivery firm in the UK. Find school really hard did you? Get some pretty shit grades?”
1 in 4 parcels delivered to a Home Address in the United Kingdom are delivered by HDN.
That doesn’t sound like the Record of the Worst Delivery Firm in the United Kingdom does it ?
Hi Roger, I’d love to try to be a delivery driver for a day. Just last week I took a box of china round to my mother’s house, and as she wasn’t in I lobbed it over the fence smashing it to pieces on the floor… no wait, I didn’t do that. That would of been fucking stupid. That’s what a HDNL driver does.
You utter moron.
There’s not one, NOT ONE, positive comment on here from a Home Delivery Network customer. Wonder why that is?
There wasn’t anything in my comments that justified that comment.
YOU ARE THE MORON.
BYE.
No, you’re the moron, moron.
Haven’t you got some deliveries to screw up and some electrical items to dump in the rain?
Bye!
I have the same problem with these, when i order from ASOS they use to use DHL but then changed to home delivery network. On delivery options i always choose the next day one cus i want my stuff fast, and on 3 occasions they took 4 days to deliver. all of which were thrown over my back gate to. 2 other times they delivered them at 9pm! 9PM!!!!!
its a good job they pack the clothes in plastic seal because my packages were that wet the cardboard was falling apart when i picked it up.
shocking.
I can top all that, waiting for a parcel on next day delivery ordered 2 days ago. Actually sitting in office on hold to HDN as we speak (thanks to the person who posted the number!) and to make it worse i finished hours ago as it’s 6pm on a Friday night!
I initially rang to make sure it was still coming as I didn’t want to be sitting around waiting at work if it wasn’t coming and I could have made other arrangements.
Yes not a problem they say, it will be with you.
I call back at 5pm, oh it’s already been delivered and no one was there. Bull spit. No card left either, Ironically me and a friend working round the corner ordered the same and she is sitting in her office waiting and no one was there either. Convenient. But I have checked CCTV….shck horror…..no van.
I call back to confirm this, oh dear, he’s working til 7 so you can pick up from the depot. Now if he’s out til 7 and my parcel is in the van how do I collect it from the depot?
Oh it wasn’t loaded onto the van. Ah so it was never delivered really?
Oh yes what I mean is he has dropped it off, all the way back that quick? So if he’s working til 7 he can come back? No he can’t.
Oh so someone is ringing me back from the depot as I’m not allowed their number. So I wait and wait…someone will redeliver or we will tell you where to collect from.
Put on hold for half an hour to be told I can only go collect it and now it’s too late. Liars, Con artists. Nothing will be done about the con artist lying driver as this is standard to them.
so..i work for HDN, the call centre side of things, and to be honest i dread going into work. All we get is shit from irate customers, and we can’t do anything about it..we have to ask them to be patient until 7pm, inevitably they don’t get their parcel and then ring us back up and give us shit. what can i say? you ask us to get a manager, off i toddle. Manager tells me to deal with it, go back and say hes in a meeting. and so nothing gets resolved. We lost BT!!! YAYYY! the level of calls we get from angry BT customers has now gone down. to be fair though, BT NEVER sends us the parcels on time, and we’re on the recieving end, its hilarious. I’ve ordered things myself with the driver not knocking on the door, with either one of my parents ALWAYS in, and drops it off 4-5 doors down. Pointless.
I just started night trucking in there artics,I run empty trailers around for 2 hours 30 mins a night,sit and drink coffee for 3 hours 30 mins then go home….Wait for it….I and about 60 other peeps get paid a massive £1060,YES £1060 a fucking week for doing sod all,the company is owned by the Barclay brothers,ranked 47th richest people in the uk,but for how long??
I think the abuse directed at HDNL Drivers is out of order. Sure there are bad apples at all Firms.
To say they are poorly educated is wrong. I suspect many of the Contributors are Professional Twentysomethings who have a good income and work in a nice office.
Be warned this country is in a bad way and your circumstances might change. Many HDNL Drivers are ex Managers ( one I know is an ex Director ). Many have lost their “good” job but still have to find an income.
Driving jobs are fairly easy to get but the basic pay is poor. HDNL TARGETS are the problem – NOT THE DRIVERS. Imagine if you had to drive around highly urban areas and deliver at a rate of a parcel every 2 minutes. Its impossible unless you cut a few corners.
Without the little old ladies who stay at home waiting in and people who don’t work, virtually all the parcels would comeback. It is called Home Delivery – but people can’t/won’t stay in.
The frustration comes in regular complaints back to the Depot. Occasionally a Manager tries to chastise a Driver. The problem is the good drivers ( 99%) know there Areas so well that they can immediately give a reply ie. A Towerblock – no response to the intercom.
If the Company really wanted to offer genuine Customer Service it would reduce Drivers Ridiculous Targets. I have seen people quit after one day doing this job. Getting up at 4.30 am Clocking on at 6. Skilfully loading parcels onto your van in drop sequence ( nobody does it for you, theres no computer providing a list ) Shifting 130 – 200 parcels, and getting back by 4pm – TEN HOURS LATER. No lunch/no break. Oh yes encountering regular abuse from other motorists for blocking roads and the risk of personal attack. Maybe we are a bit mad for doing the job however, there isn’t alot of choice.
I hope none of you have been or are Customers of mine. I would like to think that our service improves. My advice is that you stay near the door of the delivery address, keep off the phone, turn your tv or music off and listen for the Driver. We do attempt the deliveries but can’t wait for ever for people to answer their doors.
Personal Abuse of fellow human beings is not on.
Guess what ……. I was run off the road this morning by a HDNL driver!!
F***ing w**kr didn’t even stop to see if I was ok or to apologise. I was livid. It happened right outside my sons’ school at 8.50am. He obviously didn’t take this into consideration when he began driving like an idiot.
Unlucky for him, an HDNL van comes up my street regularly, guess who’s gonna get blocked in?
And another nice example, about 1 hour ago (sure they ‘work ‘ late) a HDNL driver quietly slipped a card in my porch, without even bothering to ring the bell.
I am sure only some of the HDNL drivers are arseholes, but that ‘some’ seems to be a quite significant number!
I’ve had a really bad day waiting for HDL to deliver my daughter’s new coat from BhS online – thinking it only ever happens to me, but reading this I actually feel better ! I’ve now got to wait for them to call me to arrange for ME to collect my parcel from them at my local depot. Like an earlier contriubutor – phoned up to ask where my parcel was only to be told it never actually left the depot. I will be telling BhS to drop HDL as their courier as soon as their customer care line opens in the morning.
Well, you’d have thought living over a shop wouldn’t have caused problems as the delivery advice was deliver to shop as I live above it.
Oh no: unable to deliver – carded.
Was it too difficult to go into the shop as there wasn’t even a card there. I find it staggering that all other post i’ve ever had recorded delivery and DHL and otherwise can go into a shop and deliver it for me but HDN can’t.
Be interesting to see what excuse I get from them tomorrow.
MrDaz,
When you start slagging shedloads of people off, don’t post pictures of your damaged items on the web, with your address blatently obvious on the front of the box.
Numpty!
Mark
When trying to be clever and point out that my address is in the photo, try doing a whois on this website, where my address is also visible. Just in case you don’t know what a whois means, my address is 17 Lambourne Close, Woodhouse Park, Manchester.
If you want to make threats referencing my address, pop round for a chat, twat.
I’m not trying to hide from you, or anyone. Although with the delivery record of Home Delivery Network, having my address clearly visible isn’t always enough. They’ll still fail to show up.
Not making threats, just think you’re a numpty.
I’m a bit concerned now because I was due to receive a Wii from Amazon today via HDN, but when I went to track my package this afternoon it said it had been returned to the depot.
I rang Amazon (as I could not find a number for HDN) and got through to a very helpful guy.
I told him that I had purposefully stayed in all day, and was wondering when/ if they had called.
He said that they had at 2.30pm but had no access.
I’m figuring they musn’t have rang the bell!?
He emailed them to deliver later today or tomorrow, but now I’m not holding out much hope!
At the moment it appears the Home Delivery Network aren’t even taking their own calls, as my obligatory two calls to their ridiculous 0870 number to query deliveries have been answered by people who either took my number and promised someone would call me back (they did….the next day…when I was out – you deliver when I’m out (or do you?), you now ring when I’m out, do you not like me HDN?…) or claimed they ‘didn’t even work for HDN’ – why are you answering their calls then? Are they simply too embarrassed at their shoddy service to come to the phone perhaps?
I cannot believe Amazon persist in using this monsterously inefficient company; if I am very lucky and someone calls me back tomorrow (not before 3pm mind, so they tell me) I will probably have to schlep all the way over to their Park Royal depot (around a 2 hour round trip with no car) only to find that they ignore me for a while,then insist I provide a further proof of ID other than my passport AND full driving licence, and then hand me over a parcel with which they have obviously been practising their keepie-uppie footie skills in the warehouse. Thank goodness I have decided not to opt for re-delivery this time round, as last time that involved staying in for an entire Saturday (having been assured this is when they would attempt to deliver, for the 3rd time), only to have them attempt delivery on the following Monday, when of course, like the normal person I am, I was back at work! They are absolute masters at leaving their mythical cards either in invisible places, or balanced on top of the door buzzers outside the block of flats (the postman manages to get mail actually to my door, why can’t they? Is it because they can’t be bothered perhaps, hmmm?)
My heart sinks when whenever I discover Amazon have used HDN to send…sorry, ATTEMPT to send something to me, there seems no rhyme or reason as to why they do this when really, Royal Mail are just fine (and the postman is friendly, the depot for collecting parcels is just down the road etc etc). BT seem overly fond of HDN too (3 weeks waiting for a home hub, never again!). It just makes me so cross that in a world (i.e. London, my little world) where most people work a 9-5 job, five days a week (with, in my world again, a good hour commute either way), companies such as Amazon and BT can’t find a more reliable delivery service that might be able to get goods to people without such a monumental struggle and argument.
Thank goodness for sites like these that let me vent!
You lot make me laugh….If you delivered to most of the UK’s postcodes day in day out,moving round millions of items,don’t you think you would balls up sometimes??…..Drivers (van) have targets to meet,around 200-250 per day,some sad low life twat on a counsil estate orders some crap off bid up tv or simalir wants the stuff next day but spends most off the day in the pub spending there dole money and complains when they dont get the parcel???
As for the HGV class 1 drivers who never mmet the public just truck from depot to depot,well they ARE very clever…Why ??…Well what do you earn for a 40 hour week with NO or little presure??…They earn £960 for that basic week,with just 2 hours overtime and a 10 hour shift on a Sunday they are on a whopping £1620 PER WEEK !!!!….So who is the moran now !!??
Have fun…just booking my cruise for 2009,well may as spend some of this lovely money I have been earning for the past 2 years !!
Recently got a delivery from Amazon via HDL. Needless to say I was at work. Phoned them to find out where the depot was so I could pick up as I usually do with Royal Mail – they said it’d be Wembley (quite far from my house), but they refused to provide the telephone number or opening hours. Said the depot would contact me. A few more delivery attempts followed depite me saying I’d be at work during the day so it’d be pointless. I didn’t bother phoning back, and they never phoned me. Didn’t even have to contact Amazon for them to refund me. First ever encounter with HDN, and it reminds me of 1970’s British Leyland customer service. Useless with a capital ‘U’.
To the ‘Top Driver In Crick Depot’, or Alan, as you’re known to your parole officer. I love the bit where you said:
Reckon we’ve just found out eh? You can’t even spell moron, you moron!
Balls up sometimes? Looks like you idiots actually deliver a parcel sometimes, but not often.
Working on the cruise ships now are we? Or are you selling the parcels you’ve stolen from people when you should have been delivering them?