All posts by MrDaz

Darren Jamieson, aka MrDaz, is the Technical Director and co-founder of Engage Web and has been working online in a career spanning two decades. His first website was built in 1998 and is still live today.

Scott Newham Drives a Gay Saxo

About a year ago now I received some attempts at threatening phone calls from some pre-pubescent Citroen Saxo drivers such as Jezpick and Scott Newham. I’d forgotten all about Scott until I noticed someone had found my website by searching Google for ‘scott newham saxo’… Why I don’t know. I’m sure they found what they wanted though.

Scott NewhamAnyhow, this little to-rag (pictured right) made several phone calls to me in an effort to put the ‘frighteners’ on me. As you can see, he is indeed very scary.

I was petrified.

The cause of all of this tomfoolery was the chav car website YouCarIsShit.com and the glut of Citroen Saxo photographs uploaded by outraged members of the public.

Why this post? Two reasons. Firstly to publically expose Scott and to piss him off (Hi Scott) and secondly to announce a new feature coming to YourCarIsShit.com very soon – Chav Drivers Exposed!

That’s right, we’ll be posting up photos of the chavs who’ve emailed us, phoned us and made comments defending their ‘pimped up rides’.

Look forward to that one, Scott will figure of course…

#1 in Yahoo for Chris Moat

In case you’d thought I’d gone quiet on the efforts to rank MrDaz.com #1 in Google for the name of the MD of Direct Line Insurance, Chris Moat, here’s an update. We’re still hovering around the #2/#3 mark in Google, but we’ve hit the top spot in Yahoo!

Chris Moat YahooIt’s not that clever really, Yahoo! has always been the easier of the 3 search engines within which to gain rankings, so ranking #1 in Yahoo! for Chris Moat isn’t something I’m shouting about too much. But of course, by making this post about Chris Moat of Direct Line Insurance we’re giving that little bit extra boost to our content for the Google rankings, which after all, are the main event.

Here’s the customary screen grab anyhow.

BT still cannot get it right

I’ve finally received a reply from BT about my previous complaint, but once again they’ve been wholly inadequate with their response. They haven’t even mentioned my being debited twice or why I never received a call back several weeks ago when I was assured I would get one.

What’s worse is they STILL cannot understand that my broadband is £21.99 per month.

Dear Mr Jamieson

Thank you for your e-mail dated 30/9/07 regarding your monthly payment.

In response to your query, I would like to inform you that on your latest bill a services charge has been raised from the day you got your line activated and also charges in advance for the next coming quarter.

Your quarterly rental is for £113.95 Incl VAT. This include a charge for BT Together option 1 for £33.00 Incl VAT, BT Total Broadband option 3 £80.97 Incl VAT.

Your services charge is £120.91

BT Together option
11 July – 31 July New charges for BT Together option 1 £6.45
1 August – 31 October Charges in advance for BT Together option 1 £28.07
Total £34.52

BT Total Broadband option 3
11 July – 31 July New charges for BT Total Broadband option 3 £15.85
1 August – 31 October Charges in advance for BT Total Broadband option 3 £68.91
Total £84.76

Calling feature
11 July – 31 July New charges for BT Answer Personal Greeting £0.88
1 August – 31 October Charges in advance for BT Answer Personal Greeting £0.75
Total £1.63

Your total bill was for £222.55. As you have direct debit monthly payment arrangement on your account, the recommended amount to adjust your quarterly bill was £68.50. Your Monthly Payment Plan is subject to a credit limit, which is equivalent to three and a half times your monthly payment. Once your account reaches this limit – either in credit or debit – we automatically reassess your payment amount.

If your account is in credit, we will reduce your payment accordingly and refund the credit to your bank account. If it is in debit, we will increase your payment amount. We will tell you about this increase on your statement before we do it.

Since your last bill date, your account is in debit for £116.05. Accordingly, the recommended monthly amount has reduced to £56.00. If you wish to reduce your monthly amount to £56.00 a month, I would request you to give your consent in your reply.

Further, as you have cancelled BT Answer Personal Greeting, the adjustment of the payment taken in advance will be there in your next bill. Your next bill will be produced on 19/11/07.

I trust that my response has helped to provide you the information required.

Please accept my apologies for the inconvenience caused and my thanks for your patience and co-operation in this matter.

If you have any further queries please do not hesitate to contact us again via e-mail.

Thank you for contacting BT.

Yours sincerely,

Lency Thomas
eContact Customer Service
Ref: ********

I emailed back with the following:

No, no, no. My BT Total Broadband option 3 is NOT £80.97 per quarter, that works out at £26.99 per month. As I have previously explained, via email and podcast, my broadband is £21.99 per month. This works out at £65.97 per quarter.

As you are still unable to get this most simple of sums correct I suggest you listen to the podcast phone calls where even the customer service rep managed to eventually find the letter sent by BT saying my broadband was £21.99 per month.

I am cancelling the direct debit, bill me monthly and I will pay by cheque if I deem your bill is actually accurate, which I doubt.

Pleas do not reply until you have checked the facts.

Maybe they’ll understand, maybe they won’t. I’m not holding my breath on this one.

Euro Millions Winner spam email

I’ve received about a dozen of these spam emails in the last 24 hours and it’s starting to piss me off:

    EURO MILLIONS SPANISH LOTTERY INTERNATIONAL.
FROM: INTERNATIONAL PROMOTION/PRIZE AWARD DEPT.
REFERENCE: 87/60/IPD
BATCH: EGGS-983-741-288:
DATE:8/10/2007

RE:AWARD WINNING NOTIFICATION / FINAL NOTICE

Sir/Madam
We are pleased to inform you of the result of the Euro millions Spanish Lottery Winners International E-mail programs held on the 30TH OF SEPTEMBER 2007.and result where release on the 8TH OF OCTOBER 2007. Your E-mail address attached to ticket number 653-908-321-675 with serial main number 345-790-241-671 drew lucky star numbers 34-32-90-43-32 which consequently won in the 2ND category, you have therefore been approved for a lump sum pay out of 1.000.000.00 Euro.(One Million Euro) CONGRATULATIONS!!!

Due to mix up of some numbers and names, we ask that you keep your winning information confidential until your claims has been processed and your money remitted to you. This is part of our security protocol to avoid double claiming and unwarranted abuse of this program by some participants.

HOW DID YOU WIN???HOW DID THEY GET YOUR NAME&ADDRESS???
All participants were selected through a computer ballot system drawn from over 100,000 company and 50,000,000 individual email addresses and names from all over the world.

This lottery was promoted and sponsored by Spainsh European Lottery board in order to enhance and promote the use of Internet Explorer Users and Microsoft-wares around the globe. This promotional program takes place every three year. We hope with part of your winning you will take part in our end of year 50 million Euro International lottery.

To file for your claim, please contact our fiducial agent:
DR. CHRISTOPHER WILLIAMS
(FEBREGAS SECURITY COMPANY ESPAÑA)
CONTACT CLAIMS AGENT ON TEL:0034-638-272-628
Email: febregasagent@aim.com

VERIFICATION AND FUNDS RELEASE FORM
Be Sure this Verification and Funds Release Form is sent to the Fiduciary agent for quick verification and funds release purpose

1.FULL NAMES:__________________________________
2.CONTACT ADDRESS:_____________________________________________
3.SEX:_______________4.AGE:__________________
5.MARITAL STATUS:___________________
6.OCCUPATION:________________________
7.WINNING EMAIL ADDRESS:_________________________
8.TELEPHONE NUMBER:_____________________
9.REFENCE NUMBER:________________BATCH NO__________
10.AMOUNT WON:_________________________________________
11.CITY/STATE:__________________________________________
12.COUNTRY______________________________________________
13.NATIONALITY__________________________________________

Remember, all winning must be claimed not later than one month,After this date all unclaimed funds will be included in the next stake.
Please note in order to avoid unnecessary delays and complications please remember to quote your reference number and batch numbers in all correspondence. Furthermore, should there be any change of address do inform our agent as soon as possible.

Congratulations once more from our members of staff and thank you for being part of our promotional program.
Note: Anybody under the age of 18 is automatically disqualified.
Sincerely yours,
MRS,PHILOMENA JOSE
VICE PRESIDENT
EURO SPANISH LOTTERY BOARD
——————————————————
This message is confidential. It may also be privileged or otherwise protected by work product immunity or other legal rules. If you have received it please let us know by reply it from your system; you should not copy it or disclose its contents to anyone. All messages sent to and from Febregas Security Company España may be monitored to ensure compliance with internal policies and to protect your winning from the Euro Million Spanish Lottery Award Promotion.
The contents of any email addressed to our clients are subject to our usual terms of business; anything which does not relate to the official business of the firm is neither given nor endorsed by it.

I can’t believe that anyone would actually fall for this badly written horse shit, but then I s’pose there’s one born every minute. The real clincher is that entrants were chosen in an effort to improve usage of Microsoft’s Internet Explorer. Yeah right, like I use that shit.

I guess they’re aiming right though. Anyone stupid enough to use IE would probably fall for this.

MrDaz.com ranks Page 4 in Google for Direct Line Insurance

Well this is an interesting, yet not unexpected turn of events. In my effort to rank #1 in Google for the name of the MD of Direct Line Insurance, one Mr Chris Moat, I have crept up the listings for none other than ‘Direct Line Insurance’.

Imagine what potential customers must think if they search for Direct Line and find my website, complete with a history of what Direct Line Insurance did to me regarding my stolen BMW Z3.

It won’t look good for them. Anyhow, have a look at this screenshot of Google’s SERPs.

Direct Line Page 4