Spam aimed at religious idiots

Religious people, by their very definition, are gullible. After all, if they’re stupid enough to believe in fictional ‘gods’ then obviously they’re gullible enough to believe in any old bollocks. This makes them prime targets for scammers, particularly if you play on the ‘Jesus card’.

There’s nothing the religious like to hear more than someone else showing how much they too love Jesus, because of course another follower of their particular bogus faith will no doubt be a trustworthy sucker like themselves.

Therefore, you’ll often get scam emails sent around that bang on about Jesus and Christianity for ages in order to establish some sort of affinity with their target sucker, the religious freak. One such scam email I received recently was this:

From: Hizbeith Carlson < >
Subject: From Mrs Hizbeith Carlson

From Mrs Hizbeith Carlson
Abidjan Cote D’ Ivoire

Dearest in Christ,

As you can see from the first line, this one’s gonna lay it on nice and thick. Any religious idiot worth their salt will be impressed with a ‘Dearest in Christ’ intro, and will read on, their heart warmed at such a message.

Greetings in the Name above all names, Jesus Christ our Lord and saviour, I am Mrs Hizbeith Carlson. I am married to Mr.Livingston Carlson who worked with Kuwait embassy in Ivory Coast for many years before he died in the year 2005.We were married without a child. He died after a brief illness that lasted for only four days. Before his death we were both born again Christian.

It gets better, this woman is a born again Christian. She must truly be worthy of knowing, and as her husband died quickly without suffering, god must have looked kindly on him, or some such shit.

Since his death I decided not to remarry or get a child outside my matrimonial home which the Bible is against. When my late husband was alive he deposited the sum of (($ Three million two hundred thousand dollar in a Bank in Ivory Coast. Presently, this money is still in bank. Recently, my Doctor told me that I would not last for the next Eight months due to cancer problem.

Here we go, there’s money involved. Who saw that one coming? She’s got cancer and millions of dollar US. The broken English isn’t some attempt to play on people’s sympathy mind you, it’s partly because the author doesn’t use English as a first language and partly because the target audience is too stupid to notice anyway.

The one that disturbs me most is my stroke sickness. Having known my condition I decided to donate this fund to a charity organization that will utilize this money the way I am going to instruct herein. I want an organization that will use this fund for orphanages, school and church, widows, propagating the word of God and to endeavour that the house of God is maintained, Isaiah 56:7 For my house will be called a house of prayer for all nations.” The Bible made us to understand that “Blessed is the hand that giveth”.I took this decision because I don’t have any child that will inherit this money and my husband relatives are not Christians and I don’t want my husband’s efforts to be used by unbelievers.

She’s donating money to orphanages. How noble. God’s good work being carried out once again. She’s quoting the Bible, which means she must be a Christian, and she doesn’t want her money going to people who aren’t Christian. The essence of religion, anyone who doesn’t follow the same fairy story you do is clearly not worthy of your help.

We must read on.

I don’t want a situation where this money will be used in an ungodly way. This is why I am taking this decision. I am not afraid of death hence I know where I am going. I know that I am going to be in the bosom of the Lord. Exodus 14 VS 14 says that “the lord will fight my case and I shall hold my peace”. I don’t need any telephone communication in this regard because of my health hence the presence of my husband’s relatives around me always. I don’t want them to know about this development. With God all things are possible. As soon as I receive your reply I shall give you the contact of the Bank.

More Bible quotes and bullshit about the money being used for evil if you don’t take it from her. Any good Christian will be reaching for their bank details as they read this, feeling it is god’s will that they stupidly fall into this bullshit.

I want you and the church to always pray for me because the lord is my shepherd. My happiness is that I lived a life of a worthy Christian.

Whoever that wants to serve the Lord must serve him in spirit and Truth. Please always be prayerful all through your life.

I’m struggling to believe at this point, that even someone stupid enough to believe in god would be so stupid as to believe this horse turd. But then I guess some people must do.

Please assure me that you will act accordingly as I Stated herein. Hoping to receive your reply with the above information.

Remain blessed in the Lord

Yes, remain blessed in the Lord. Stupid bastards.

Take care,
In Christ’s Holy Love

Yours Sister in Christ
Mrs Hizbeith Carlson

What a sign off, in Christ’s Holy Love… your Sister in Christ.

You have got to be one dumb fuck to actually believe any of this, which as I stated is why they target the religious imbeciles who believe in god.

Be wary of spam emails like this, they’re not all this easy to spot 😉

Darren Jamieson, aka MrDaz, is the Technical Director and co-founder of Engage Web and has been working online in a career spanning two decades. His first website was built in 1998 and is still live today.

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