If I became Prime Minister (or if I at least had some hold over the current PM) here are seven things I’d ban in the UK.
- Bus lanes
We don’t need bus lanes; they cause congestion and result in buses pulling out on you without warning. Why do the poor need to get to where they’re going before me? Come to think of it, we don’t need buses.
- Disabled drivers
By their very description, they are disabled. Not able to do something; as in, drive! Disabled drivers are a menace to other road users. They have slower reflexes and can’t park. They should all be banned.
I don’t care how many Olympic gold medals we won, it’s not worth having to put up with cyclists on the roads of Britain. They get in the way, slow down the traffic and for what? So some git can win BBC Sports Personality of the Year? Bloody useless.
These money grabbing Nazis have never been needed in the UK. They steal money from parents, and keep most of it for themselves. They even steal money from parents when the parents have an agreement to pay between themselves. The CSA don’t care. They’re answerable to no one and have the power to dip their sticky, thieving, fingers directly into your pay before you get it.
- People who drink soft drinks in pubs
These people are scum. They take up valuable space at the bar; space needed for us real drinkers, just to order their mineral water or their lemonade. It shouldn’t be allowed, it’s not big and it’s not clever. The only reason you should be allowed to drink soft drinks in a pub is if you’re so utterly wasted that you can’t physically get any more alcohol in your body without dying.
Enough said, what’s the point of it?
- Estate Agents
They’re lazy, money grabbing bastards who do sod all for a percentage of your sale. Luckily, I shouldn’t have to ban them as the economy is seeing to it for me. They’re all going out of business and are desperate for a lead. Good.