So last Thursday I took a day off work, not to relax, or to organise personal affairs or to simply enjoy life, no. I took a day off work to participate in a drinking contest in Leeds University; The Ultimate Banjo Warrior no less.
Rules were simple, 25 minutes to drink each drink in a pre-determined order. 4 ‘warriors’ had special cards that could be played once during the game, giving every player 2 minutes to finish their drink. Failure to finish in the time limit led to star jumps, and the inevitable act of throwing up led to a Sambuka shot forfeit.
Naturally with such a contest I fancied my chances, but my lack of preparation became my undoing. Firstly I arrived 25 minutes late, so was forced to tackle the first two drinks in the time everyone else had for one. Luckily the first two were both lagers, San Miguel and Staropramen. These were dispatched with comparative ease, though left me with no time to line my stomach. In fact, I hadn’t eaten since the sole Jaffa Cake the preceding night following the Champions League Final.
This was destined to end badly, and my confidence was very misplaced. Some Cider, Red Wine then Malibu and Pineapple later and everything was simmering nicely. One of the warriors decided to play his card during the Kronenberg Blanc round, which he’d tipped me off in advance of – yet the bar staff had a surprise. The Blanc was off, and the carefully written rules stated that any drink unavailable had to be substituted for Snakebite. Oh crap.
Rose followed, and another warrior’s card, then I threw up. Lovely.
My forfeit played, and a Vodka and Red bull – Bacardi and Coke double later and I threw up again. Notice a theme here?
I was a beaten man. Though perhaps my defeat came at the right time as tales of the game’s conclusion carried a foreboding message; it appears one of the mighty warriors started a fight with a bouncer, and was ejected. A second warrior vomited where he sat, into his own drink, and then drank it.
The final warrior was last seen staggering towards a casino in search of his final drink. Whether he made it, we may never know.
Respect to the Banjo Warriors.