Spellcaster Spam

I must be one of those unusual people who actually enjoys spam (not the tinned meat variety, the automated crap posted on the Internet sort). I love the persistence of it, and the fact it does actually work – there’s always someone, somewhere, stupid enough to fall for it. Some spam is, admittedly, much better than others. I expect many people who would never dream of sending their bank details to claim their winnings on the Nigerian lottery have, at some point in the last few months, clicked to ‘like’ or ‘share’ a photo of a US marine holding a baby – accompanied by the tagline ‘like if you respect’ or ‘share if you support our troops’.

Spam takes all forms and guises, and some spam is subtler than other forms.

One of the more popular types of web drivel doing the rounds at the moment is the ‘spellcaster’ emails and comments. These are tales of woe and despair from some fictional loser who, after visiting a spellcaster, found the love of their lives come back to them.

This drivel plays on the fact many people online are particularly lonely and desperate and are even willing to pay some charlatan to cast a love spell for them. Hey, even losers have money. The loser pound is as good as anyone’s.

Anyhow – the plot of these emails and comments is fairly straightforward – but the example I have pasted below is such a classic that whoever wrote this clearly forgot halfway through whether they were writing this from the perspective of a male or female.

I mean seriously, you have to proofread your drivel. How stupid must somebody be to fall for this one?

“I NEVER BELIEVED IN LOVE SPELLS UNTIL I MET THIS WORLD’S TOP SPELL CASTER. HE IS REALLY POWERFUL AND COULD HELP CAST SPELLS TO BRING BACK ONE’S GONE,LOST,MISBEHAVING LOVER AND MAGIC MONEY SPELL OR SPELL FOR A GOOD JOB.I’M NOW HAPPY & A LIVING TESTIMONY COS THE WOMAN I HAD WANTED TO MARRY LEFT ME 2 WEEKS BEFORE OUR WEDDING AND MY LIFE WAS UPSIDE DOWN COS OUR RELATIONSHIP HAS BEEN ON FOR 2YEARS… I REALLY LOVED HIM, BUT HIS MOTHER WAS AGAINST US AND HE HAD NO GOOD PAYING JOB. SO WHEN I MET THIS SPELL CASTER, I TOLD HIM WHAT HAPPENED AND EXPLAINED THE SITUATION OF THINGS TO HIM..AT FIRST I WAS UNDECIDED,SKEPTICAL AND DOUBTFUL, BUT I JUST GAVE IT A TRY. AND IN 7 DAYS WHEN I RETURNED TO USA, MY GIRLFRIEND(NOW WIFE) CALLED ME BY HERSELF AND CAME TO ME APOLOGIZING THAT EVERYTHING HAD BEEN SETTLED WITH HIS MOM AND FAMILY AND SHE GOT A NEW JOB INTERVIEW SO WE SHOULD GET MARRIED..I DIDN’T BELIEVE IT COS THE SPELL CASTER ONLY ASKED FOR MY NAME AND MY GIRLFRIENDS NAME AND ALL I WANTED HIM TO DO… WELL WE ARE HAPPILY MARRIED NOW AND WE ARE EXPECTING OUR LITTLE KID,AND MY WIFE ALSO GOT THE NEW JOB AND OUR LIVES BECAME MUCH BETTER. IN CASE ANYONE NEEDS THE SPELL CASTER FOR SOME HELP, HIS EMAIL ADDRESS IS; doctorsunshinehope@yahoo.com HOPE HE HELPS YOU PPORTUNITY”

Darren Jamieson, aka MrDaz, is the Technical Director and co-founder of Engage Web and has been working online in a career spanning two decades. His first website was built in 1998 and is still live today.

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