This last week I had another call from the good old British police force. How I love to hear their crap. What did they want this time I hear you ask? Well, it seems they were calling me to let me I know I’d been the victim of crime.
Oh really? Yes, it appears that someone has damaged my house in South Wales, they’ve knocked a hole in the underside of one of the rooms overhanging a footpath.
Yes, I know this. This happened before my tenants moved in. The letting agent is aware of it, they’re dealing with it.
Still the female copper insisted on taking my name so I could have a ‘crime number’. I lost my rag my with her (you can sense by this point that I’m cursing the fact that I’m not recording this call).
I asked what’s the point? Why take my name, why give me a crime number. She said it was for her paperwork, at which point I snapped. I questioned the point of this, the point of her and the point of the police. Were they going to catch anyone? Were they going to investigate?
She had the cheek to say that she’d checked the property and found no forensic evidence! Forensic evidence!!! It’s not a sodding murder case. What did she do, get the serious crimes squad down there? I doubt it.
And to be honest, it’s not like you need fucking Poirot to solve the case, the kids who did it graffitid there names on the wall below, two girls called Helen and Sam and they live just up the road. Not the smartest kids on the block, but then the police aren’t smart enough to catch ’em either.
Even if they did, if I frog marched the police up to the house where the culprits lived, they still wouldn’t do anything would they? They’re under 15.
Then the stupid woman asked if I could come in and make a statement. I’m in Manchester, 190 miles away. What’s the point? What good would that do?
She said it was for their paperwork.
So there we have it. Whenever a crime is committed a police officer fills out some paperwork and takes a statement, then files it. That should send a chilling warning to anyone thinking of breaking the law.
Makes you glad to be British doesn’t it?