Category Archives: SEO

The Lazy SEO Manifesto

This is the code of which I live my life by, courtesy of Tropical SEO.

I pledge to strive wholeheartedly to make the most amount of money while doing the least amount of work possible.

I pledge to develop passive revenue streams that maintain themselves using automated systems.

I pledge to outsource anything that possibly can be outsourced. My core competencies are thinking, planning and strategizing, and my time spent on those activities will yield the highest ROI.

I pledge to have a secretary/personal assistant and/or mistress to take care of pesky details.

I pledge to only give my phone number to very close associates. Everyone else will have to email me. I will compulsively check my email throughout the day, but it may take me up to a week to answer one, especially if the reply requires effort on my part.

I pledge to use Digg, Reddit, Delicious and the like as a shortcut to link building. The Digg community is a bunch of annoying little wankers but I will play the game until my sites all have TrustRank out the wazoo from dozens of successful link baits.

I pledge to get dressed only after the noon hour. Getting dressed implies putting on pajama pants or sweats instead of boxers only. It does not necessarily imply the presence of a shirt.

I pledge to extend myself outside of the SEO realm only into even lazier and more defensible areas. Namely, domaining.

I pledge to waste at least two hours a day on Threadwatch, WebmasterWorld and Bloglines. Not because I’m learning anything new, but because I’m bored.

I pledge to be a Lazy SEO.

SEO is NOT spelled META

Can you believe I had an email from someone questioning my knowledge on SEO? They claimed that my remarks about how Keyword and Description META tags have no effect on your Google rankings were incorrect.

The bloody bare faced cheek of it! This muppet even challenged me to a contest to get our websites ranked for key phrases. Buddy, if you’re still in the META tag era please stay where you are and don’t come out to play with the big boys. I have far too much to do as it is, without trying to educate people as clueless as you.

The only search engine contest I have ever entered was the v7ndotcom elursrebmem one run by www.v7.com, the results of which are easy to find – look it up. I’m not about to waste my very expensive time pissing about with some moron who thinks META tags are effective.

Tosspot.

SEO Links

I’ve had a tits full of people who think that by adding links to other websites onto their own site, they’ll somehow improve their ranking. What utter cod shite! Yeah sure, add a link to Google and MSN and they’ll rank you higher, why wouldn’t they?

Idiots.

If you owned a shop, would telling all of your customers about other shops improve your sales? Like nuts it would. “Hello, I’d like a jacket potato please” – “Why sir, they’re much better in the shop down the road, far cheaper too, why don’t you go there instead?”.

Morons. Linking to other website DOES NOT improve your bloody ranking, in any way, shape or form. Anyone who tells you it does it an utter wanktard. Laugh at them, call them names and tell them to go away and link to other sites themselves. In fact, tell them to link to yours, if they think it improves their ranking.

Actually, scratch all of that, everyone who wants to improve their ranking can link to www.mrdaz.com. I don’t mind, knock yourself out. You’ll be #1 in Google for everything then, all of you, every single one of you.