Category Archives: Rants

France becoming part of Great Britain?

So it seems that in 1950 France wanted to unify with Great Britain. I’ve just been asked how I feel about that.

Well, it wouldn’t be so bad so long as there were a few provisos. We could have a new, unified name to display the unity between the two Countries. Something like ‘Great Britain’ would suffice. Then of course we’d need one single currency, something which many Brits are unsure of, but if we called it ‘The Pound’ for example I’m sure they’d come round.

We’d also need a single language to help the trade between us, English has a nice ring to it, we can use that. Finally we’d need a flag, something which embodies the Union Flag of the British Isles, and the White flag of French Surrendership… that’s it, I can’t entertain this crap any more! The bloody cheese eating, sheep burning, wine guzzling, Nazi collaborating surrender monkeys unifying with us???

The bloody cheek of it. Non monsier.

You snobby bastards were offered the chance by Churchill back in 1940 as the Bosch were trampling through your vineyards, and you shrugged your Gallic shoulders and turned tail to the Germans, then you’ve the bloody cheek to ask for it ten years later.

I need to lay down.

How useless are the police, really?

My sister had her car tyres slashed this week, while her Corsa (shit car, I know) was parked outside her house. She said every car in the street was done, about 30 in total, and when she called the police guess what they did.

Go on, guess…

If you said “Leap into action and get staight over there” you’re a twat. Oh no, the correct answer is: “Absolutely fuck all”.

That’s right, our taxes pay for these retards to do nothing, zip, scratch their balls and watch TV, etc, etc.

They said, and this is priceless, as there were so many crimes at once if they came out they’d be there all night. And the award for reaching new heights in incompetance goes to… Newport police.

Well done guys, you’ve amazed even me in my cynical life. I didn’t think the police could be quite that useless, but there you go.

Inland Revenue are a bunch of tossers

I’ve just had a final demand from the Inland Revenue, saying I’ve got until January 31st to pay my income tax.

But I haven’t had a total from them yet???

Seems they’ve lost my form. I sent the damn thing by the end of September so they could calculate it for me, and they’ve gone and lost it – the ueseless tossers. Now they’ll expect me to do it all again, what’s the frickin point eh? You do it all by the book, legit like, and they screw it up. If they’re this incompetant, why do I even bother with it?

Once again, I sign off a blog with the word, morons.

Self service my arse!

I just popped into Tesco’s for a loaf of bread, which is ironic in itself as I make liberal use of its 30 minute free car park every day for 8 hours when I’m in work – I just so happened to ALSO go to Tesco today.

My bread in hand I ambled up to the tills, where they’d had 2 new ‘self service’ tills installed. One guy on the till, no queue; shouldn’t be a problem here then eh? I walked up to him, only to notice what could only be described as a spotty oik in a Tesco uniform squatting in front of the till pissing about with some magazines. He didn’t fancy moving, so looked up at me and uttered those teeth grinding words: “Do you want to use the self service till?”.

No, I fucking well wouldn’t! I didn’t graduate from university just to operate a till like some retarded shop twat. Take my fucking bread and ring it up, lest you’ll be replaced by the self service till and be forced to sign on to pay for those car mods you prize so heavily. Prick.

What use are these morons if they can’t even be arsed to do their own jobs? I’d complain to Tesco if I thought they’d give a flying toss, but of course they wouldn’t, so I’ll just keep using their free parking every day.


I’m not changing lanes for no bugger

I drove to Leeds on the weekend, which meant travelling on the M1 for the first time. This wouldn’t have been a problem, except for the fact that Yorkshire drivers seem unwilling, nay unable to change lanes… ever. It’s as if they’re refusing to change their lifestyle, or move their house when those London types want to regenerate the area.

The bastards just stay in the outside lane, dawdling along at 70MPH, completely ignorant of the fact that you’re supposed to keep left. The inside two lanes were largely empty, meaning I kept getting stuck behind these thick as pig shit drivers just blocking the road. Naturally, undertaking was rife – and not just by me.

It seems as though they’re all content with undertaking, as though it were normal. Why on Earth couldn’t the sods just move over? When you have a car coming up behind you at around 90-110MPH, and you’re doing 70 in the outside lane, you move over. No decision to make, no change in lifestyle, just get out of the frickin’ way.

Not the Yorkshire drivers through Sheffield and Barnsley. They refuse to move, which is ignorant and dangerous.

Needless to say when I came home I took the M6 instead, which was used by the more metropolitan Mancunians and Brummies, who understand the concept of Motorway travel. I’m not using the M1 ever again, it’s full of morons.

Indicators, not requesters

This is an odd rant, because I’m complaining about people who are being courteous and polite. You see, every day when I drive to work, I change lanes on the Motorway at opportune moments as certain lanes move faster in certain positions.

When I do this, I indicate. Notice the word there, ‘indicate’. Then the car in the lane I’m pulling into flashes me in. Now, while I appreciate the kind gesture, I’m not requesting his permission to enter his lane, I’m not asking for his approval, I’m signalling that I’m changing lanes.

That’s an ‘indication’ that I’m changing lanes, not a request. They’re not called requesters, they’re called indicators. I indicate then I move. Simple as that.

What really pisses me off is when people slap on their indicators then sit there waiting for someone to let them out, that’s called a begging signal and would be a penalty point on your driving test. You don’t indicate until you’re ready to move, and you don’t ask the permission of the person you’re cutting up to do it.

So when you see me indicate to enter your lane ahead of you, don’t think I’m asking for your approval, I’m merely giving you advance notice that I’m changing lanes. You don’t need to do anything, just get out of my way.


I’ve just spoken to perhaps the most useless customer service woman I’ve ever had the displeasure of talking to.

I have a Sony Ericsson Walkman phone, which is great for music and as a camera, but useless for the Internet. I enquired about a PDA phone so I could get Internet access and administer my server from anywhere, as it needs constant attention and massaging.

Now, after speaking to someone who obviously couldn’t be bothered to answer my questions I was transferred to the upgrade department, where I was told they couldn’t help and shouldn’t have been transferred to them at all. Lovely. They transferred me to an Indian woman who’s fractured English made conversation difficult, but not as difficult as her constant putting me on hold to ask her supervisor.

We were having a 3-way conversation, with me being put on hold by her 4 times. The phone I wanted was on the website was £227, yet she quoted me £480, which she then corrected herself to £420. What the hell is going on?

When I asked about Internet access within the packages I was told they don’t have that, yet it is an Internet phone? I honestly don’t understand the point of having customer service operatives who barely speak the language, don’t know the products, or the prices and have to pass on every question to someone else.

Needless to say she couldn’t help me, so it looks like I’ll be leaving Vodafone.

Another one bites the dust

Seems that knob who prank called me is called Jezpick, and lives in Notts. He even bragged on the forum of some Shitroen Saxo website about making the call.

The police have been informed about his whereabouts, and the website where he admits to making the illegal call. I’ve also given the contact details of the website owner to the police who will be calling him directly:

Administrative Contact:
Robinson, Mark ****
35 Long Lane
Warrington, Cheshire WA2 8PU
07776 233 823

Finally, and perhaps most nastily of all, I contacted Fasthosts about the website. They are the hosting company, and I know from personal experience that they won’t like this sort of thing going on from a website they host one little bit.

I wouldn’t be surprised to see that site down shortly, shame – but then I am the ruler of the Internet. No shit!