Oddly, I didn’t fancy joining him. I also have friends who are into ‘podding’ which, although it may sound as though it’s some wife swap game, is in fact a cross between camping and staying in a hotel – you stay in a purpose built wooden structure, one that is still too much like a tent for my liking.

Now it’s not like I haven’t tried camping, because I have. I have tried it once, and hated it. My loathing for this most British of tradition wasn’t down to the loathsome British weather either, as I tried my camping experience in Cannes, in the South of France, where the weather is decidedly more ‘un-British’.

The problem was that I was completely unprepared for the whole ordeal, having borrowed a tent from my Aunty (who, at the time, ran a caravan and camping shop, so you would expect success). Despite being asked, nay, ordered, by my friend to ‘check’ the tent before we set off, I presumed that, because it came from my Aunty, that it would be ok. I presumed wrong. Firstly, the tent didn’t have any poles. For some reason my aunty had forgotten these most vital of camping paraphernalia. Secondly, even if the tent did have poles, it would have been uninhabitable anyway because the last person to use it hadn’t let it dry before packing it away, which apparently you’re supposed to do before storing a tent. It stank. It stank so bad it spelled as though a rat had died in there, and had been rotting for years.

We slept in the car.

The next day I, under orders, found a camping shop where I, using my best French, managed to purchase what I believed to be a tent. The keyword there is ‘believed’. Once again my lack of care and attention at what should have been a straightforward task was set to bit me on the ass, as I delayed putting up the ‘tent’ until after we had returned from ‘le pub’. It was now dark and, in some ironic twist as though Cannes knew we were from the UK, it was raining.

As we attempted to erect this tent under nightfall, and in largely unpleasant conditions, it became apparent that it wasn’t particularly ‘big’. In fact, it was very small indeed, almost as though it were half a tent, with no roof.

It was. It was a windbreaker.

My failure at ensuring the first tent was complete and didn’t smell of ‘merde’ was compounded by my failure to actually buy a tent the second time.

We slept in the car.

So you see, camping isn’t for me. Unless you can buy tents that are inflatable buildings, where you erect them simply by pulling a chord and then sleep on a cushion of air, rather than on a sheet resting on a rock hard floor that hasn’t seen rain until the very night I attempt to erect a windbreaker, then I’m not interested in camping.

I’ll settle for hotels, with king-size beds and room service. Camping is for other people.

Share on Facebook

What sort of utter moron does this? Good work from YODEL – I wonder how long it will be before they rebrand again.

Share on Facebook

For legal reasons of course I should point out that I’m not in any way suggesting that Providence Properties and The Student Property Shop are connected, they just have the same premises, the same staff, the same vehicles and their websites are (or were) on the same server. No connection whatsoever.

The Student Property Shop was also the subject of a student demo a while back, over fees that weren’t being returned.

Anyhow, things have taken a new twist once again; you see, the real Student Property Shop (website www.studentpropertyshop.com) are absolutely nothing to do with the Leeds outfit ran by the Zamans. The owners of Student Property Shop were keen to distance themselves from the whole sordid affair years ago when they emailed me to point out the distinction, and now they’ve emailed me again… this time with some very good, and very funny, news.

You see, if you register a domain name that encroaches on someone else’s trademark or company, you can have ownership of that domain challenged – and Student Property Shop (the good guys) reported The Student Property Shop to Nominet, the body that governs .uk domains, and they have upheld the complaint. As a result the Leeds letting agent The Student Property Shop has had their domain name forcibly removed and given to the real Student Property Shop.

This means their website no longer works, their email no longer works and they can’t be found on Google. Freakin’ hilarious!

The email from the real Student Property Shop stated:

Following our complaint to Nominet (the industry regulator controlling the registration of .uk domains), the ownership of the domain name, thestudentpropertyshop.co.uk has been transferred to us.

Nominet’s ‘Dispute Resolution Service’ commissioned a report from an independent legal expert, who concluded that “an Abusive Registration” took place by the previous owner of the domain name, who would be taking “unfair advantage” of our rights to the ‘Student Property Shop’ name; the recommendation was to the transfer the domain to us on 19th August 2011 to protect our trade mark.

Of course, Providence Properties lost their domain name a while back so the whole Internet can see just what has happened during the course of this story. That’s two domain names that have been lost by companies at the same premises in Leeds. I wonder what they’ll do next?

Share on Facebook

Anyhow – after some years it appears that Providence Properties has let its domain name slip and it’s been registered by someone else, someone who still remembers what happened and has decided to make a website dedicated to the whole affair. How nice.

Little SEO lesson for you all there; no matter how bad things get with your company, no matter how much of a balls up you make, never let your domain name lapse.

Share on Facebook

Watch the SEO advice video on YouTube

The funny thing about this video, from a technical point of view, is that in order to get the video to look aged, with hairs in the gate and scratches, I had to export it from Adobe Premiere Pro (where it was edited) and import it into the rather basic Windows Movie Maker – which had loads of cool filters.

I feel cheap and dirty after doing that – but so long as you don’t tell anyone, I’ll be OK.

Share on Facebook

This isn’t a sexist thing mind you, as some women have to pay alimony to their husbands upon divorce – it just depends on who earns the most; and John Cleese earned ever so much.

Thus, he’s on his Alimony Tour attempting to make some money to pay his ex-wife. This I can relate to.

The thing is, John Cleese kicks off his UK tour in the Corn Exchange, in Cambridge, in May, before coming to Manchester later than month. Now, Manchester is obviously much closer for me so it would make sense for me to see him there, at the Lowry – but there’s just something about the opening night of a comedy tour, so I’m thinking of trying to get down to Cambridge to see him.

I’ve also never been to Cambridge, so wouldn’t mind having a look around the city (as I’ve heard it’s supposed to be quite nice and there’s some sort of university there). This would of course mean stopping over, so I’d need to look for some nice (and cheap) hotels in Cambridge.

Share on Facebook

Just look at the delight on that father’s face as he gets to finally make the CSA listen to him, before cutting off their ears of course.

Share on Facebook

Anyhow, Charles Evans, from Durham University, decided to have a pop at me using some choice language claiming how he, being a Geography student and predicted a 1st, is better than I. Of course, being a student and unaware of the way the world works, Charles will be oblivious to how potential employers, and even higher education establishments (should he attempt to take a Masters or PHD) often use Google to research potential staff and students. As an employer myself I wouldn’t hire someone with Charles’ potential for embarrassing the company or school, and I certainly wouldn’t hire someone with Charles’ obvious poor grammar and spelling – seems they really do give out qualifications like candy these days if this illiterate imbecile can achieve 10A* grades at GCSE.

So Charles Evans, as you are in full time education, you’ll be used to someone (who is your inferior, of course) correcting your badly spelt twaddle with a red pen.

This is Charles’ message to me, and how he would represent your company.

The Chicken
charlesevans10@hotmail.com
90.195.129.74
Submitted on 2010/05/30 at 9:30pm

Mr Daz, your you’re a fucking chief. You work in the media? How the hell can you brag about that!? You have made a ‘film’…HOW THE HELL CAN YOU BRAG!?!?!?
I am a Durham university University educated student, has and have undoubtedly achieved/done more than you have at the age of 20 than you have in your entire live life, you pathetic little prick. I work at Tesco part time, got 10A* at GCSE and 5 A’s at A-level and am currently on track to graduate with a 1st from Durham (top 5 universities in the UK) in geography (currently most employable job amongst leading blue-chip firms)…what have you got? You have made a film? Fuck you.

Thanks for the feedback Charles – look forward to your next message with interest. However, not as much as I look forward to the look on your face when you realise just how the job world, and Google, work in tandem.

Good luck!

Share on Facebook

So how does HDNL manage to find so many racist, aggressive, hate filled people to work for them – many of whom are happy to spend their down time reading this website and insulting customers? You may be surprised to know that these utter dredges of society seek out HDNL in the first place; at least, the ones who are able to find HDNL do so anyway.

Some of them fail even that simple act of navigation (which in an ironic twist, you’d think would make them the perfect delivery drivers?).

This evening I received an email through this website from someone wanting to apply to be a delivery driver with Home Delivery Network.

I shit you not.

Presumably after Googling for HDNL they found this website, as so many of you have done too, but rather than realise that this is in fact a blog (one that used to be about SEO and Internet Marketing, but happily lost its way many years ago) this idiot of epic proportions believed MrDaz.com to be Home Delivery Network’s website…

I know, I was shocked too.

This is his application:

Sender: ali
Subject: Mr Daz Enquiry: driver
On 25 March 2010 at 19:25

i have full uk drinen license over 16 yrs also it is clean,i am looking for delivery job

Well… he sounds ideal. He can’t spell, string a sentence together or even find HDNL in the first place – he should be perfect for the role. Snap him up now I say!

Share on Facebook

However, I was still a little surprised to see how many people have found this website by searching for Mr Daz specifically… and in case you think it might be another Mr Daz, check out some of the search phrases that people have been using – in order of popularity:

mr daz
mrdaz
mr daz csa
mr daz is a wanker
mr daz computeach
mr daz home delivery hdnl
daz on hotmail
mr daz is a prick
usability before seo and ppc mrdaz
mr daz hdnl
mrdaz insults
mr daz.com
csa mr daz

Who are these people?

I particularly like the ‘mrdaz insults’ – it’s given me an idea for a blog, and possibly a book. The little book of Mr Daz insults: for that time when your own vocabulary leaves you devoid of a cutting vitriol.

Share on Facebook