Category Archives: Humour

The Brew Cards – an office game to decide who makes the teas and coffees

We’ve been playing this game at Engage Web since we started the company, so we thought it about time we made the rules all official like (seeing as I keep getting told I’m making them up) and put them down in Infographic format. The game is simple – if you’re in an office and you want a tea or coffee, but don’t fancy making one for everyone, simply ting your mug – follow the game from there. You’ll be hooked.

Engage Web's The Brew Cards Game Infographic
Courtesy of Engage Web

Stupid emails I have received: Someone thinks I am Carphone Warehouse

Over the years I have received some pretty stupid emails from some pretty stupid people. Last night I received one of the best yet, from someone who presumably Googled ‘Carphone Warehouse Complaints’ and found – then decided to fill in my contact form believing she was contacting Carphone Warehouse. Like this site looks remotely like Carphone Warehouse.

When people are ready to fill their details into the first form they find on the Internet, is it any wonder ID theft and cyber crimes are so rife? Is it any wonder billions of pounds are lost each year in the UK by morons to Internet tricksters? It’s not like the fraudsters even need to be clever or devious about it, the idiots come to them – like shooting fish and all that. Anyway, here’s this idiots email – meant for Carphone Warehouse. Pass it on somebody.


My Daughter has worked for car-phone warehouse for some years, she has left to go to college to become a midwife, and she needs her P45 from yourselves, she has phone HR, been into her store on many occasions and generally been given the run around as to where her P45 is this has been going on for nine weeks since she left.

she has just received a A4 piece of paper with a list of earning and such! which mean nothing to anyone this is not a legal P45 and you’s as a company have delayed my Daughter from getting her benefits that she is entitled to, for being such a big company we find it hard to believe that you could treat your former employees in such a way.

I trust that now the matter has been brought to your attention it will now be dealt with in a timely manner, which should have been the case nine weeks ago, we feel that because you’s have taken so long, as a company should pay some compensation to my Daughter for all the hassle and heart ache of trying to live on a mere £40.00 a week with a small child. the store in Washington the galleries Tyne and wear.

Michaela Golden

Fire Safety Notice for the Social Network User

Are you an avid social network user, more interested in Tweeting than actually ‘talking’ to people? If you are, you’re probably uninterested in typical safety notices, the boring ones, telling you about what to do if someone has an accident or if there’s a fire. If this does sound like you (or your staff) then you’ll want this Fire Notice for Social Network enthusiasts.

You can download a print quality version of the notice at StuckOn.

Fire Safety Notice for the Social Network User


Camping is for other people

I have a few friends who are into camping, for some strange reason. My former lodger loved nothing more than packing his rucksack, taking his tent, his mini burner and a tin of beans and heading off up the Lakes to spend days freezing his nuts off in the wilderness.

Oddly, I didn’t fancy joining him. I also have friends who are into ‘podding’ which, although it may sound as though it’s some wife swap game, is in fact a cross between camping and staying in a hotel – you stay in a purpose built wooden structure, one that is still too much like a tent for my liking.

Now it’s not like I haven’t tried camping, because I have. I have tried it once, and hated it. My loathing for this most British of tradition wasn’t down to the loathsome British weather either, as I tried my camping experience in Cannes, in the South of France, where the weather is decidedly more ‘un-British’.

The problem was that I was completely unprepared for the whole ordeal, having borrowed a tent from my Aunty (who, at the time, ran a caravan and camping shop, so you would expect success). Despite being asked, nay, ordered, by my friend to ‘check’ the tent before we set off, I presumed that, because it came from my Aunty, that it would be ok. I presumed wrong. Firstly, the tent didn’t have any poles. For some reason my aunty had forgotten these most vital of camping paraphernalia. Secondly, even if the tent did have poles, it would have been uninhabitable anyway because the last person to use it hadn’t let it dry before packing it away, which apparently you’re supposed to do before storing a tent. It stank. It stank so bad it spelled as though a rat had died in there, and had been rotting for years.

We slept in the car.

The next day I, under orders, found a camping shop where I, using my best French, managed to purchase what I believed to be a tent. The keyword there is ‘believed’. Once again my lack of care and attention at what should have been a straightforward task was set to bit me on the ass, as I delayed putting up the ‘tent’ until after we had returned from ‘le pub’. It was now dark and, in some ironic twist as though Cannes knew we were from the UK, it was raining.

As we attempted to erect this tent under nightfall, and in largely unpleasant conditions, it became apparent that it wasn’t particularly ‘big’. In fact, it was very small indeed, almost as though it were half a tent, with no roof.

It was. It was a windbreaker.

My failure at ensuring the first tent was complete and didn’t smell of ‘merde’ was compounded by my failure to actually buy a tent the second time.

We slept in the car.

So you see, camping isn’t for me. Unless you can buy tents that are inflatable buildings, where you erect them simply by pulling a chord and then sleep on a cushion of air, rather than on a sheet resting on a rock hard floor that hasn’t seen rain until the very night I attempt to erect a windbreaker, then I’m not interested in camping.

I’ll settle for hotels, with king-size beds and room service. Camping is for other people.

HDNL driver crashes through gate

This video was added in one of the comments on a post about HDNL had rebranded to YODEL to escape all of the bad press they have been receiving – and clearly it’s working if this dissatisfied customer is anything to go by. While waiting for a delivery from Amazon (who really should consider dropping HDNL/YODEL when they get tarred with the same brush) the customer’s CCTV caught the delivery driver ‘attempt’ to open the gates to his driveway, before giving up and forcing his van through the gap – damaging both the van and gates.

What sort of utter moron does this? Good work from YODEL – I wonder how long it will be before they rebrand again.

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The Student Property Shop has their domain name forcibly removed

If you remember a certain Leeds based letting agent named Providence Properties, who featured on many websites a few years ago and on BBC Watchdog, you may remember that they disappeared almost over night and new company sprang up in their place. Where Providence Properties once sat, The Student Property Shop rose like a phoenix from the flames.

The Student Property Shop

For legal reasons of course I should point out that I’m not in any way suggesting that Providence Properties and The Student Property Shop are connected, they just have the same premises, the same staff, the same vehicles and their websites are (or were) on the same server. No connection whatsoever.

The Student Property Shop was also the subject of a student demo a while back, over fees that weren’t being returned.

Anyhow, things have taken a new twist once again; you see, the real Student Property Shop (website are absolutely nothing to do with the Leeds outfit ran by the Zamans. The owners of Student Property Shop were keen to distance themselves from the whole sordid affair years ago when they emailed me to point out the distinction, and now they’ve emailed me again… this time with some very good, and very funny, news.

You see, if you register a domain name that encroaches on someone else’s trademark or company, you can have ownership of that domain challenged – and Student Property Shop (the good guys) reported The Student Property Shop to Nominet, the body that governs .uk domains, and they have upheld the complaint. As a result the Leeds letting agent The Student Property Shop has had their domain name forcibly removed and given to the real Student Property Shop.

This means their website no longer works, their email no longer works and they can’t be found on Google. Freakin’ hilarious!

The email from the real Student Property Shop stated:

Following our complaint to Nominet (the industry regulator controlling the registration of .uk domains), the ownership of the domain name, has been transferred to us.

Nominet’s ‘Dispute Resolution Service’ commissioned a report from an independent legal expert, who concluded that “an Abusive Registration” took place by the previous owner of the domain name, who would be taking “unfair advantage” of our rights to the ‘Student Property Shop’ name; the recommendation was to the transfer the domain to us on 19th August 2011 to protect our trade mark.

Of course, Providence Properties lost their domain name a while back so the whole Internet can see just what has happened during the course of this story. That’s two domain names that have been lost by companies at the same premises in Leeds. I wonder what they’ll do next?

Providence Properties domain name expires

If anyone remembers the student lettings company Providence Properties, you’ll know that I blogged about them on here a few times back in 2007 (and beyond) when they appeared on BBC Watchdog after being accused of keeping the deposits of some Leeds students. Following my blogs I had a phone call from one of the Zaman brothers asking why I was trying to destroy his company, and even a call from a lawyer – which was interesting.

Anyhow – after some years it appears that Providence Properties has let its domain name slip and it’s been registered by someone else, someone who still remembers what happened and has decided to make a website dedicated to the whole affair. How nice.

Little SEO lesson for you all there; no matter how bad things get with your company, no matter how much of a balls up you make, never let your domain name lapse.

1950’s style public service announcement about SEO

Have you ever wondered just what ‘SEO’ actually is, but were afraid to ask? Fear not, for this video, in the style of a 1950’s public service video, will tell you just what ‘SEO’ stands for, and what it can do for you.

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Watch the SEO advice video on YouTube

The funny thing about this video, from a technical point of view, is that in order to get the video to look aged, with hairs in the gate and scratches, I had to export it from Adobe Premiere Pro (where it was edited) and import it into the rather basic Windows Movie Maker – which had loads of cool filters.

I feel cheap and dirty after doing that – but so long as you don’t tell anyone, I’ll be OK.